The human lens

As a child, I was fond of fairy tales; pixies leaving glitters of different colors from their wings, princesses being saved by their knights in shining armor, mermaids swimming under the depths of the mysterious ocean. But everything changed when I stepped outside the four corners of my lovely home.

It was on my first day in kindergarten when I finally realized that not a single magical thing exists in the world. I remember crying as my mother walked through the narrowness of the classroom door. I knew for a fact that I was not shedding those tears because I would be left together with kids whom I never played with. Rather, those tears fell due to the fear of things that I didn’t know yet.

Everything that I knew about the world back then was about fairytales. However, instead of seeing dwarves carrying their loot bags containing enchanted fruits, I witnessed students running with their backpacks full of books. Instead of interacting with wizards and discussing the proper way to wield wands, I talked to teachers whose hands were dusty because of chalk. I was too frightened after the first day of class. I can still recall how I told my mother that I don’t want to go to that school again. I apprised her of every single thing that happened and then confidently said that this institution will not help me become the greatest magic user in the world. This heartwarming story about my first day in kindergarten did not even affect my mom’s decision to send me to school.

As time passed, I got used to this new setup and before I even realized it, I was already marching to the sound of the usual graduation musical piece. It was graduation day. I was the happiest that time as I became the chosen student to deliver his valedictory speech. Perhaps, I did pretty well in elementary. While on the stage delivering my speech that my cousin helped me prepare, it felt like one of those “I did it” moments. Even so, gazing back to how I perceived the world before coming to school, I knew that the five-year-old me would be very disappointed. This was due to the fact that instead of shiny mystical trophies, all I received was a medal with no magical attributes at all.

After the graduation ceremony, I spent the summer break overthinking the events that might happen when I enter high school. Will I become popular? Will I meet my first love? Will I experience that sweet first kiss? These questions bugged me so much to the point that I dreamed of them each night. Somehow, it reminded me of how I was before I became a kindergarten student: anxious and emotional. The only difference is that the anxiety that I felt during this time was all realistic—no witchcraft, no sorcery. It was all real-life scenarios playing in my head.

And then, in the blink of an eye, summer vacation was over and the new chapter of my life officially began. There’s one word to describe my first week in high school: horrendous. I encountered every unexpected thing ever. Extra smart classmates. Strict teachers. Dishes I don’t eat. Everything seemed so out of place. At that time, it hit me. This was nothing new. I was like this during my first day in kindergarten. From then on, my high school journey became so smooth-sailing until it reached its very end, graduation.

It was then vacation again and I became busy applying for a slot in different colleges. Luckily, I got into the university I was eyeing.

And now, looking back to those moments when I was thinking a lot, I realized how much I have grown as a person. Despite all the worries, I actually came through and survived them all. As a college student whose grades are hanging by a thread, it is kind of funny to imagine how my kindergarten and high school selves would react to the current situation I am in. My kindergarten self would probably think of magical potions to make my grades higher. On the other hand, my high school self would possibly freak the hell out and cry a liter of tears because he doesn’t want a grade lower than “dos” (2.00). It’s crazy how our perspectives change as we reach a point of maturity.

This made me think that maybe, we are seeing the world through different lenses according to our age. When we are at the stage of youthfulness, we view the world in colorful hues and see a whimsical universe of wizardry. When we are at the stage of emotional and intellectual development, we view the world as harsh and cruel and we become so sentimental about things. I thought our lenses change every time we reach a certain point in our lives. But I guess I was wrong.

Our lenses never change. It was a single lens all along. But the thing is, every time we experience something new, our lenses become broader. It expands to provide a brand new perspective that is a lot more inclusive than before. In the technological era, this is called an upgrade. And that’s how the human lens works. It strives to open up until it becomes wide enough to capture every idea, every principle, and every lesson that we need to survive the waves of this nonmagical, real world.

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Gian Lawrence Lagaya, 19, is an agricultural and biosystems engineering student at the University of the Philippines Los Baños.