(For)Given

Death—Ah, the ultimate goal. The headache-inducing smell of Cattleya, the suppressed sobs, the screaming silence of grief. I know a lot about Death and what comes after it.

Death is nothing new to me. I lost my dad to cancer when I was eight. I lost three friends in a year (one died of cancer and the other two, in a car accident) when I was 12. You can say I had too much of everything too soon. It was always like that, I guess. Since then, I vowed not to be affected by anyone’s death. Death is a fact. Death is the ultimate goal. It is inevitable. It cannot be helped. Why bother? I remained faithful to indifference.

Until recently. She was not even my friend to begin with. I did not even know her on a personal level. I never exchanged a word with her. For me, she was just a name. She was just someone whose existence I knew little of, whose sufferings I felt nothing for, and whose life experiences I knew nothing of. She had no influence in my life whatsoever. She was just a name without a face. She was just a name.

Until I heard the news. She was found dead one morning, her hands were tied and her mouth was gagged. She was shot pointblank and she was left lifeless without any underwear. It was suspected that she was raped before she was murdered. For me, she was just one of the many victims of rape and murder. She was just a number, an addition to the statistics of victims of violence against women. She was just a name until I saw her picture in the news. Until her identity was revealed. Until realization dawned on me—she was someone I knew back in high school. She was someone I had seen. She was familiar. And yes, she was.

Shock was an understatement. Remorse was not even close to what I felt. I was furious. I was beyond disappointment with Humanity, or the lack of it. She died an undignified death. It was inhumane. Nobody deserves to die that way. Death by illness or accident may be acceptable, but death by rape or any type of violence? No! I was affected not because she was someone familiar to me, but because just like her, I am a person and a woman. She died a horrible death. She died in one of the worst ways possible. But that’s not the end of it. What’s worse is that some people’s reactions to her death go like, maybe she was showing off too much skin when that happened. She was probably out late and drunk. Maybe she was blah blah blah, she was asking for it.

My reaction: No woman wants to be raped.

Reality check: Rape (even Death) chooses no one. It can happen to any woman. It can happen to anyone whether she’s showing too much skin or hiding all of it, whether she’s drunk or sober. It can happen to any woman anytime, anywhere. And it will not stop there. It will not stop until we change our mindset, until we change our society’s views on rape and other forms of violence against women. It will not stop until we start acting against it.

Death is inevitable. Rape is not.

Ma. Angeline L. Santos, 21, is a graduate of the University of the Philippines Manila. She went to the same high school with Given Grace Cebanico.