The beauty of not being enough

I’ve always been wrestling with an overwhelming sense of struggle, feeling lost in how to manage my life and be there for everyone. It’s been a relentless battle, leaving me drained and questioning my worth.

Since I was a child, I’ve carried this deep-seated fear of never being deserving of the blessings around me. Every accomplishment, every milestone, seems to fade away into the shadows as I’m compelled to chase after the next one, desperately hoping it will finally make me feel “enough.”

Even in my relationships, doubt always creeps in, whispering that I’m unworthy of love and attention unless I constantly provide them with something in return. I’ve been caught in an exhausting cycle, constantly seeking validation that I am a good friend, a good leader, a good colleague, a good son, and a good lover. I sometimes wish for the power to split myself into many pieces, to be in multiple places at once, just to make sure that I can be there for everyone and still be deemed “enough.” I feel like I am running out of time, just to prove that I am enough. In a world that constantly demands perfection, we often find ourselves grappling with the weight of our own inadequacies. We strive to be the best, to excel in every aspect of our lives, but in this pursuit of perfection, we often forget the simple truth: It’s okay to be “not enough.” In fact, it’s more than okay; it’s beautiful.

It was one serene morning after pulling an all-nighter with friends when I realized this. As I made my way back to my dorm room, the campus embraced me with peace and clarity. Amidst that tranquility, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the shimmering water. What I saw shattered my soul, I saw the evidence of years spent relentlessly beating myself up, constantly apologizing for not being the person I wanted to become. My heart ached with the realization that all my tireless striving to prove myself had taken a toll I hadn’t fully comprehended. In that fragile moment, I came face to face with a profound truth: I will never be enough, and somehow, that revelation felt strangely comforting.

It was as if the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. I began to understand that this constant battle for validation was a never-ending cycle, an illusion that kept me trapped in self-inflicted torment. In the reflection of that morning, I discovered a flicker of acceptance. I could finally embrace the fact that I am flawed, imperfect, and inherently incomplete—and that is perfectly alright. It’s in embracing this truth that I can find solace and start to rebuild my sense of self-worth, not through external achievements, but through self-compassion and the realization that I am deserving of love, happiness, and a life filled with purpose, just as I am.

I realized that when we allow ourselves to be “not enough,” we acknowledge our humanity. We recognize that we are imperfect beings navigating through a complex world. Our flaws, limitations, and vulnerabilities are not signs of weakness but rather reminders of our shared human experience. It is through these imperfections that we connect with others, fostering empathy, understanding, and compassion.

Our failures, mistakes, and shortcomings offer invaluable opportunities for growth and self-discovery. They shape us into resilient individuals, teaching us valuable lessons along the way. It is in those moments of vulnerability that we learn to be kinder to ourselves and to others, creating a more compassionate world. I now believe that our value lies in the love we share, the kindness we extend, and the connections we forge. We are not defined by what we lack but rather by the unique qualities that make us who we are.

Perfection is an illusion, an unattainable mirage that obscures the path to true contentment. It is in embracing our imperfections and accepting that we will never be “enough” by society’s rigid standards that we find genuine peace and self-acceptance. Each day, as we navigate the joys and challenges of life, let us remember to treat ourselves with kindness, patience, and understanding. Keep on celebrating our uniqueness, and be easy on ourselves as we navigate the winding paths of life.

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Emil John Valenzuela, 23, is a communication arts student, majoring in theater arts at the University of the Philippines Los Baños.