The game-changer

Now that 2022 has come to an end, there are a few things I want to write down. Every year is a lesson. It can be filled with joy and laughter or show you that life is unpredictable. Every year, whether slumped with joy or sorrow, teaches you something. If it is happiness, it guides you to be grateful for the moment that made you smile and teaches you that all of this is fleeting. Neither smiles nor tears can last forever; it is a combination of the two that brings balance to our lives.

Before I can finally write about this narrative, let me share some of my experiences with you.

In my younger days, I was always filled with excitement whenever a year would come to an end; excitement for a fresh start, a new chapter. Twelve months await, with strong intentions to make this year better than ever, with new resolutions and goals to achieve. But as I got older, everything changed, making me lose the fuel of this fervor.

I would wonder why I lost the zeal to be optimistic whenever a year starts and why I had a significant shift in my perspective. It is something unusual, honestly, because I used to be someone full of positivity, and suddenly, it felt like I was the most worried person alive. I took time on my own to contemplate my personal life with a blank piece of paper. I did a rundown of my reflection from 2019 to 2021, then compared it to 2022.

Here is what I wrote:

Was 2019 better than I had planned? No. It was the “I don’t want to talk about it” year. As I started to embrace my bisexuality, I was engulfed by many issues with my peers, academic invalidations, heartbreaks, and disappointments. My life was stuck in a void of self-doubt.

A negative outlook plunged my 2020 intentions due to the raging pandemic and community lockdowns, and my potential to make meaningful progress in my current skills was shot. Nevertheless, I still had the courage to leave my comfort zone, so I joined different youth organizations.

Depression took over my 2021 as I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I could say this was the most brutal year of my life. I almost lost the will to live that could end my life. Luckily, I made it to 2022.

2022 showed me that I can be someone more extraordinary than what I have imagined about myself. Though I faced a lot of adjustments, doors of opportunities opened, and I received a lot of achievements.

After writing these reflections, I asked myself: “Am I still anxious about what lies ahead?” Who would believe that the power of a single pen and a sheet of paper would instantly change how I look forward to 2023?

For three years, I was at the lowest points of my life. But 2022 changed everything for me; it was my game-changer.

This game-changing moment is an essential milestone in my life, and I am grateful that this year allowed me to learn something that has improved how I perceive things around me. This year marked the beginning of my “Believe in Yourself” chapter. I was a person who always waited for approval for the smallest of things, possibly because I doubted my worth and decision-making power. This year brought me closer to my dreams because I was motivated to pursue them. My enthusiasm for my studies and the realization that I could be right or that I should try it once to see if I could do it made me feel confident, empowered, and proud of myself.

As a working student, I face the pressure of balancing my education and work confined in our home. I lost sight of the fact that I can explore a wide range of topics while studying or working. Fortunately, 2022 taught me to make the most of what I have. Finding the good in whatever was going on is challenging but possible. Making virtual meetings and face-to-face education bearable, and later, exciting and informative, was a lesson I learned throughout the year.

2022 also taught me to let go. Not every year is a good one. Things go wrong; loved ones fall ill, friends part company, and we fall into proverbial holes. Of course, great things will also come along the way. The sacrifices, sleepless nights, and hectic days will all be worth it. All we have to do is go with the flow. As Raava from “The Legend of Korra” said, “The light can’t exist without the darkness.”

Every ending is a new beginning: another chapter to unfold, a fresh start. I may have lost the excitement to face another year but what matters is that I am ready to continue with the brand-new overarching idea of myself in all aspects that make up who I am and go the extra mile.

2023, bring it on!

Prences Jhewen Albis, 19, is a Grade 12 STEM student from Vinzons Pilot High School. She is the current editor-in-chief of their school publication and a corporate trustee of Explained PH.