Boulevard of unbroken dreams
I never really had a dream.
It used to make me anxious whenever teachers asked us what we wanted to be when we grow up. Many of my classmates would always have ready answers to this question: to become doctors, engineers, teachers, name it. I would end up blurting out any profession out of thin air because I was so clueless and marvel at how my classmates back then were so sure about their goals. For my classmates, their ideas of professions came from TV shows, movies, their parents’ professions, or personal experiences. I could not really recall any instance that I decided to be something when I grow up but as far as I can remember, I’ve always loved learning.
When I was in elementary, I developed my love for maps. I could recite all countries and their capitals. I could point to any country on the map and tell any trivia about that nation to any adult who would listen. Since this was my interest, I thought I could engage in work that deals with countries. I flirted with the idea of taking up geography, but this interest did not last long.
In high school, I was able to overcome the stammer that crippled my public speaking during my elementary days. I used to be deathly afraid of oral recitations because my classmates would snicker as I painstakingly and painfully say words. Through practice and calming my nerves, my stammer eased and since I already loved public speaking at this time, I decided to engage in any work that involves talking. This was the time I wanted to become a lawyer or a teacher.
When it was time to decide on my college degree, I really did not have any idea as to what kind of work I wanted to be in so I picked random courses based on personal interest only: political science, because it involves nations and preparation for law school; history, because I’m an avid reader of historical narratives; literature, because of my affinity for prose and poetry; and education, because of my love for speaking and relating what I know. Ultimately, these degrees all lost to practical concerns as I surprised even myself when I enrolled in a medical course. The reason? This work could be useful for working abroad or proceeding to medicine and hopefully provide a better life for the family.
Taking up medical laboratory science proved to be my waterloo since science was never really my strongest suit. My grades were not really embarrassing but I could not help but be haunted by the fact that I could have performed better and be in a better mental state had I chosen a degree for personal, and not practical, reasons. My classmates were there because they wanted to become doctors or work in laboratories since they were young, and this led to my downward spiral because I never felt I belonged. I neither dreamed of becoming a physician nor saw myself working in a hospital for long. I was so lost and confused about the future. I constantly berated myself for not having a dream, that one dream that I would chase and make great efforts to attain. I hated myself for wanting to become so many things only to end up with something I did not want. Upon graduation, I was as clueless about the future as when I started.
But fate really has a twisted sense of humor. After resigning myself to the fact that I will be engaged in this profession for life and already scouting overseas jobs for medical technologists, I was invited to teach in my college alma mater. I felt that my life has come full circle because at least, one of my early choices eventually came true. When I started teaching, I eventually learned to love medical laboratory science. I now wholly appreciate its importance in the medical scheme of things. In fact, I even enrolled in graduate school to further master the degree I used to cry buckets over.
In retrospect, I learned that our degrees are not the end. We can always study something else after college or get engaged in work that is not related to the course we graduated from. We can always explore other avenues for self-development. I know of many people who were forced to study a course but eventually became successful in their current field. I won’t let my degree stop me from foraying into other fields. I still study maps every now and then. I still read various nonfiction books on diverse topics. I enrolled in a free online course on Russian history. I still read novels.
I never really had a dream, that one dream that many people have, but I take pride in the fact that maybe I’m destined to be versatile and explore as many fields as I could. Maybe this is the start for me to learn and grow in many fields. I’m still unsure and uncertain but not as clueless as I used to be. All I know is that it is never too late to be something you want to be. It is never too late to learn more. It is never too late to take detours. It is never too late to change and grow. May we all never stop learning, growing, and, yes, dreaming.
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Christian John Villahermosa, 29, is an instructor at San Pedro College, Davao City. He is taking his master’s of science in medical technology and plans to study for another master’s degree this year.
