My longest relationship

This Valentine month, I have ended my first and longest relationship so far — my six-year job at one of the QSRs (quick service restaurants) in the country. Ending it after half a decade is heartbreaking. There is no time to grieve. Or even when there is, I try to escape. It is painful. There is no one to blame but myself. Sabi nga nila, ginusto mo ‘yan eh!Perhaps people would ask, why did you decide to leave, then? To be honest, I am not sure.

Not sure if it was brought about by the lack of stimulus in my life. My days revolved around one small screen (for entertainment) to another big screen (for work). During this pandemic, it is a luxury to complain about these trivial things. But still, it is hard to ignore that days are all but the same: wake up, prepare for work, work, take a break, work, use phone to forget about work, eat, sleep. The cycle goes on every day. Parang sa relasyon, wala nang bago. Paulit-ulit na lang.

Maybe, it’s also plain curiosity of what’s out there — of what will happen to me if I push myself out of my comfort zone. My six-year stay with my current employer is my comfort zone: work culture is healthy, employees are very easy to work with, company takes care of employees. But as with all things and relationships—there are flaws: there’s just enough salary to get by, there’s a lack of manpower, hence the heavy workload. When I was still deciding what to do, I asked around. A stranger said good culture won’t feed you.

Now that I think about it, perhaps I just didn’t try to work things out. I didn’t communicate more than I should. In a relationship, it is important that there is communication between two parties. The other person won’t know what you need unless you tell them. Or they won’t know what else to improve if you keep things to yourself. Perhaps I should’ve requested for a higher salary, demanded an additional employee. Several what-ifs flood my mind, thinking what could have been.

But all is done. I resigned and chose to leave. As with any kind of relationship, sometimes you have to leave because you’re not growing with them anymore. Or sometimes it’s not working out, and there is a better opportunity waiting out there.

There’s a little over a month left before I go. It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.

If given the chance to say my parting words, I’d say this: Thank you for the past six years—those are some of the best parts of my life. Thank you for taking care of me. I’ll miss everything about you. I’m sorry for leaving, but I need to go. Perhaps we can be together again someday when I am better. I’ll be on the sidelines, cheering you on. Up, and forward.

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Jo de Duque, 28, is a brand marketer.