Breaking free

“Change is the only thing that is constant in this world,” my therapist once told me.

I had a hard time accepting the fact that I needed to move on from the very first job that I came to love. It was a move for career growth and self-love. It took me one panic attack and a lot of crying before I realized my job wasn’t making me happy anymore. It was turning me into this sad, tired, unmotivated potato in the form of a human.

It’s true what they say: Employees value growth, peace of mind, and good mentorship when it comes to finding a job. With all that’s going on in the world, we want something that would not give us headaches, or anxiety for that matter.

I was earlier asked by a friend: “Then why are you still there? Why still stay?” My answer to that was obvious: money. I am the breadwinner in my family and being jobless was unthinkable. This was the reason for the mental breakdowns I had. It held me back. I guess I just didn’t have the guts to take a risk. I told myself it was not easy to find a job so if I let go of this one, how would I feed my family?

My friends started helping out and giving advice, trying to make me realize that I was giving up the fight even before I had started anything. I was a coward: That was a hard pill to swallow.

They got through to me, so one day, when things at work were starting to wear me down again, I made the decision. I was asked to apologize for something that I didn’t even understand was my fault. I told myself this was the last time I would be treated this way. I handed in my resignation letter and cried my eyes out that evening, but I had to stop my bawling by 7:30 p.m. because I needed to edit my resumé so I could send out applications online. I was scared, and I thought I was stupid. Why did I leave without a plan?

Until something struck me. In a matter of days, I will be free from the stress I had been in. That realization fueled me. I began feeling excited to apply for the jobs I liked and considered myself qualified. I even got the gumption to apply to that Australian company I so wanted to be a part of. They were hiring, so I took my shot even though I was nowhere near New South Wales. I told you, hopeful.

I started to prepare and finalize all the tasks I would be leaving behind since I only asked for a two-week transition. Then my cellphone rang. I am one of those people who just stare at their screens when a number they don’t know is calling, but this time, I had the urgency to pick up the call. I was waiting for an overseas order to arrive, that’s why. I got confused because a lady talking in a very professional manner was on the other line. It was from a company I had applied to, and they had a job offer for me! I was told my resumé had been submitted to the client and they were very interested to interview me. The interview was in three days. This was the good news I was waiting for. I cried happy tears, for I couldn’t believe how fast God’s benevolence works.

The day came — and I got the job. I could not explain the feeling. All I remember was, I calculated how much salary I would be getting and how it would help ease my finances.

That was the most thrilling two weeks of my life. Not because I got a new job right after I decided to leave my old company, but because I did something I thought I wouldn’t ever be able to do—leave when things were no longer benefiting me. I finally gave up shying away from change. I finally got the courage to break free and stand up for myself, and it was so new and liberating.

I still think it was dumb that I did not plan ahead, but at that moment, leaving was the wisest action to take. Now, I have already passed probation in my new company. And now I know that when I am faced with troubles next time, I can always look back to the day I said enough, and my heart will be at peace knowing that, at the end of it all, everything will turn out well.

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Arnelle Claudine Fernandez, 25, is an accreditations officer in an Australian company.

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