My ‘predictions’ for 2021
Now that astrologers, feng shui masters, psychics, and manghuhula have all been discredited and rendered jobless because of their terribly mistaken prediction that 2020 would be a lucky and prosperous year, there’s a work vacancy to fill up and I’m up to the challenge. There’s not much work for lawyers anyway because people don’t have the energy and funds to engage in courtroom warfare, so I might as well seek my fortune as our country’s modern Nostradamus.
I predict that in the year 2021, while the COVID-19 pandemic rages on, there will be another virus that will devastate our country. This other virus has actually been spreading in our midst for four years now, but our government has kept its existence under wraps. Since 2016, this secret virus has infected and caused the death of thousands of drug suspects. My crystal ball shows that in 2021, it will spread fast and next claim increased casualties in the ranks of leftist leaders, activists, human rights advocates, and independent journalists. The secret virus reportedly causes infected victims to suddenly turn insane by attempting to shoot it out with policemen under impossible conditions — even if they’re outnumbered, even if they have nowhere to run for escape, and even if police guns are already cocked and aimed at them.
The virus should be called the “Harakiri virus” because they turn their infected victims into suicidal maniacs, if government claims are true. However, if the suspicions of independent experts are proven correct, the virus should be called “Impunity virus,” because it turns police and military officers into shooting freaks who kill unarmed civilians. I foresee that the government will resist all demands for a thorough examination of the virus, and it will not even allow attempts to develop a vaccine.
My tarot cards also reveal that there’s a mutant form of the secret virus which turns its victims to become obsessive collectors of guns and explosives, at a time when the draconian anti-terror law is already in effect. Those infected with the mutated virus will have fits of irresistible urge to show off their weapons, taunting the police to come and get them, and forcing police operatives to arrest, jail, and charge them with nonbailable crimes.
I predict that our unprecedented economic downturn will continue in 2021, with more business closures, loan defaults, mortgage foreclosures, and job losses. Hunger and poverty will worsen. Despite the economic gloom, stock market prices will soar to record heights, with stockbrokers making rosy economic statements that will make ordinary Filipinos feel that they must have been uprooted from the slums of Bangladesh and transplanted to Switzerland.
I predict that in the congressional deliberations on the 2022 national budget, Sen. Panfilo Lacson will make a bombshell exposé on the hundreds of billions of pork barrel insertions, with every legislator allotted not less than a billion pesos each. Congresspersons will suddenly get afflicted with a temporary deaf-mute syndrome, and the pork-laden budget will get approved without hitches.
I predict that a filthy rich politician will die in 2021. His remains will decompose and decay, eaten by worms and insects, and then turn to dust. A month after his death, he will be a forgotten figure, except to the scavengers of the trash bins of history. His heirs will have a nasty spat (hair-pulling, face-slapping, mud-wrestling and all) over inheritance until they end up squandering the dead politician’s estate.
I predict that an extremely rich businessman will be abandoned by his wife in the second year of this great pandemic. The wife will run away with hundreds of millions of money pilfered from shady contracts and side deals in the publicly listed company that her husband heads.
For those who want to know their prospects on love life, business ventures, and chances of vaccination in 2021, I offer promo packages at flea market prices for personal consultations. I guarantee that my predictions meet strict government standards of 50-percent reliability.
Happy New Year!
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