CubMa? Oh, ‘gets ko na’ (I get it)!

Juan dela Cruz in Malacañang: “Mahal na Pangulo, sabi po ninyo nasolusyunan na ninyo lahat ng mga pangako ninyo sa bayan, maliban sa traffic congestion. Kailan naman kaya ito masosolusyunan?” (Dear President, you said you’ve delivered on all your promises except traffic congestion. When will this be solved?)

President Duterte: “You just wait. Ayaw kong mag-ano (I don’t want to boast). Things will improve. Maybe God willing, December smooth sailing na … You don’t have to worry about traffic. Cubao and Makati will be just about five minutes na lang.”

Juan dela Cruz: “Wow! Maraming salamat po (thanks a lot)! May nakatago po pala kayong alas (I didn’t realize you had an ace up your sleeve!).”

MMDA HQ, Orense, Makati

Juan dela Cruz: “Ayon po sa Google Maps, ang travel time mula Cubao hanggang Makati ngayon ay kulang-kulang sa 45 minuto (approximately 45 minutes). Hindi po kaya trick statement lang yun ng Pangulo, gaya nung tanong: ‘Paano pagkasyahin ang 71 katao sa loob ng Volkswagen Beetle?’ (Isn’t this maybe a trick question, like, how do you fit 71 people into a Volkswagen Beetle?”

Metropolitan Manila Development Authority (MMDA) Edsa traffic chief Edison “Bong” Nebrija (beaming): “Alam niyo naman po lahat ng pronouncement ng Pangulo (You know all the pronouncements of the President), it becomes a directive and a mandate not only to MMDA but to all government agencies.”

Juan dela Cruz: “Ah, ok, seryoso pala talaga (so it’s really serious).”

Nebrija: “Recently, tinayo na po natin yung Task Force CubMa (We recently created Task Force CubMa) ahead of the President’s pronouncement. Everybody should be on board not only the government agencies but also the people as the President has already spoken. And disiplina ay napakalaking bagay (Discipline is a very big thing).”

Juan dela Cruz: “Thanks po!”

HPG, Camp Crame, Quezon City

Juan dela Cruz: “Director Fajardo, mahaba na po ang karanasan ng HPG sa Edsa. Kaya po ba ang five minutes mula Cubao hanggang Makati?

Philippine National Police-Highway Patrol Group (HPG) director, Brig. Gen. Roberto Fajardo: “’Yan ang utos ni Presidente (That’s the order of the President), we will do our best. Actually, ’yun ang challenge sa amin. Kapag sinabi ni Presidente, we will do it, ganun lang kasimple sa amin (that’s the challenge for us. What the President has ordered, we will do it. That’s how simple it is to us).”

Juan dela Cruz: “Sabi po ninyo sa mga pahayagan na may ‘secret plan’ po para maisagawa itong mala-himala na pagpaiksi ng biyahe mula Cubao hanggang Makati. Paano po ninyo gagawin ito?”

Fajardo: “’Yung five minutes, this is the order of the President. We are regularly meeting with DOTr, LTFRB, LTO, MMDA. Kasama na ang disiplina ng motorist, dineputize kami ng LTO kaya wala kaming gagawin kundi maniket lang nang maniket sa mga magba-violate ng traffic rules (Discipline among motorists is part of it. Since we were deputized by LTO, we will strictly enforce traffic rules by issuing tickets against violators).”

Juan dela Cruz: “Oh, ’yan yung tinatawag na traffic education through traffic enforcement. Gumawa po ba kahit anong pagsubok kung kaya ang five minutes?” (That’s what they call traffic education through traffic enforcement. Have you tested if the five minutes is possible?)

Fajardo: “Tinira namin, madaling araw nga lang, mga ala-una ng madaling araw, walang (we tried it around 1 a.m., there is no) traffic from Guadalupe to Cubao both north and southbound.”

Juan dela Cruz: “Ah, kung sabagay, hindi nga naman sinabi ng Pangulo kung anong oras yung sinabi niyang five minutes. Okay, gets ko na po.” (Oh, of course, the President didn’t specify what time of day the five minutes would be. I get it.)

Juana Change (who was kibitzing): “At hindi niya sinabi kung December ng anong taon!” (And he didn’t say December of what year!)

When I woke up from my dream, half of my face was giggling, the other half was crying.

doyromero@gmail.com