Holidays for me are pauses—my way out of the never-ending pile of schoolwork and the confusions of a busy
life. They are my ticket to relax and enjoy time with family and friends.
As I was enjoying the bliss of the remaining days of 2018 with my precious book and cozy bed, I came across a quote: “There’s no such thing as a completely fresh start. Everything new arrives on the heels of something old and every beginning comes at the cost of an ending.” I silently contemplated on this and looked back to the days in 2018.
Since childhood, I’ve always looked forward to New Year. My mother, my sister and I cook our favorite meals, while dad and my brothers prepare the fireworks and music. We greet each year with blasting sounds, stuffed stomachs and lots of sparklers. But what I really wait for is the 10-second countdown to open the new year.
Ten seconds of recounting memories of what shaped our lives in the previous year—of “what ifs” and “what could have beens.” Also, 10 seconds of complete uncertainty about what the next year will bring.
Ten, nine, eight… I had my first heartbreak—the wondrous joy and sad truth that first love brings. I look back to his smile and captivating laughter, his beautiful artworks. But with love came pain. I felt the gloom, the tears and made-up smiles. As hopeless as it may sound, we still tried. But sadly, things were bigger than us. We fell apart.
Seven, six, five… Things didn’t turn out the way I imagined them—they were beyond what I had expected. I entered a new battleground, miles away from the comfort of my home, with no one beside me. Senior high school introduced me to different faces, brought me to new places, opened diverse cultures and promising opportunities for me. I continued to learn how to wield my own weapons and stand up for myself.
Four, three, two… Despite the hardships, there are a lot of memories worth sharing, remembering and keeping. Last year, my mother took her first try to become a licensed teacher, and by God’s grace, she passed! My siblings and I also continued to excel in our academic studies, bearing our family’s name with pride and honor.
One… I remember the homily during our yearend Mass in school. The priest said, “One should learn how to let go of
unmet longings.”
I thought about the unfinished endings, broken promises and lost dreams that last year brought to my life. I’ve had my share of tears, losses and goodbyes. At some point, I fell down and gave up. But these setbacks, I think, are what make every new year worth waiting and celebrating for, because despite the darkness, light still manages to come through in the end.
We are molded by our experiences. We learn how to forgive, to heal and to truly love. We manage to see things from a different perspective. Not every defeat means losing something. Not every tear is to mourn and to hate, and not everyone will choose dignity over pride. Courage will not always be a big declaration; sometimes it is all in how we see it. We will all rise in time if we will just have the courage to believe—in God and in ourselves.
This might be what the priest was trying to say—that we are all made up of sediments of our past, a combination of bravery, downfall, love, faith, etc. And that the true essence of the New Year is to celebrate our scars.
I pray that we all find ways to mend our hearts, build our souls and love ourselves. I pray that we will always see the
New Year as a way to let go of the past and to hold on to new beginnings. May we greet it with open arms and stronger hearts, ready for the new challenges and opportunities that will come our way.
May we all have the courage to greet 2019 with the loudest and biggest hello.
Aila Jinn C. Daniel, 17, is a Grade 11 student and features editor of Kurit Bulawan, the official student publication of Ateneo de Naga University-Senior High School.