Playful frustrated Bisaya

In a speech in Malacañang, President Duterte admitted, “My only sin is extrajudicial killings.” And then he said, “I’m not under oath, am I?”

Defending Mr. Duterte’s statement, Chief Presidential Legal Counsel Salvador Panelo said, “He’s Bisaya.” PNP Chief Oscar Albayalde said it was uttered “because of frustration,” while former senator Juan Ponce Enrile insisted, “Only one was killed and none was arrested in Duterte’s war on drugs.”

Everyone expected presidential spokesperson Harry Roque to say that President Duterte was just joking. But in a radio interview, Roque said the President was just being “playful.” And then he went on to thank his friend who gave him a new thesaurus on his last birthday.

According to President Duterte, drug dependents are to blame for the country’s rice crisis. In a joint statement, Agriculture and National Food Authority officials denied they are drug dependents.

President Duterte joked that recovering addicts in rehab are to blame for the country’s rice crisis, since they have started eating again. Recovering addicts then expressed alarm when Mr. Duterte added, “I will appoint Ozamiz City Police Chief Jovie Espenido to the NFA.”

In his next speech, the President will try to figure out a way to blame the peso’s slump on drug addicts.

Palace spokesperson Harry Roque says the “foremost priority” of the Duterte administration right now is “fighting inflation.” In case you’re not aware, inflation was arrested last Tuesday on rehashed rebellion charges, but was released after posting bail.

Solicitor General Jose Calida has threatened to file a libel complaint against Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV if the senator “doesn’t express his sincere apology” for accusing him of stealing his amnesty application documents. Calida insists he is not a thief. Is he being playful, too?

Last Sept. 12, President Duterte revealed an alleged plot to oust him on Sept. 21. Nothing happened. This week, the military said there was a plot to bring down Mr. Duterte in October (calling it “Red October”), and another in November and one more in December. So far, two “leaders” of the alleged plot to eliminate Mr. Duterte are being monitored. They’ve been identified as Buerger and Barrett.

Former Senate president Aquilino Pimentel Jr. advised Assistant Communications Secretary Mocha Uson to stop meddling in the government’s federalism campaign and go back to show biz instead. In response, “show biz” said, “We already have Robin Padilla. We can only take so much.”

Sources told Inquirer Lifestyle editor Lito Zulueta that Mocha Uson would resign from the Presidential Communications Operations Office “anytime soon.” Mocha has yet to inform her boss about her decision, but she’s confident Bongbong Marcos will understand.

Chinese-backed Maldivian President Abdulla Yameen, the strongman who jailed political rivals on dubious charges, lost his reelection bid earlier this week. Yameen appeared on television to concede. He was flanked by his two sons, Baste Yameen and Pulong Yameen.

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Marcelo Landicho is more popularly known online as the award-winning blogger and political satirist The Professional Heckler. On Twitter: @HecklerForever8; blog archive: professionalheckler.com