Q: How many Rodrigo Dutertes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to curse the darkness.
Q: How many Rodrigo Dutertes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The report about the burnt-out bulb is “pure speculation.”
Q: How many members of the Duterte administration does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five:
- One to announce that the light bulb needs to be changed;
- One to create a controversial viral dance video about it;
- One to blame ‘dilawans” for the old bulb burning out;
- One to buy a new bulb from China; and
- One to publish a fake news article titled, “Duterte voted best electrician in the solar system”
Q: How many Antonio Trillaneses does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to initiate a probe into the possible involvement of President Duterte in the old light bulb’s “death.”
Q: How many Ben Tulfos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. But he’ll demand P60 million for doing the task.
Q: How many Wanda Teo-Tulfos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to go shopping for a new bulb, and one to change it.
Q: How many Richard Gordons does it take to change light bulb?
A: Only one. He holds the bulb in place and enjoys the moment as the world revolves around him.
Q: How many Alan Peter Cayetanos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he follows the step-by-step instructions of the Chinese.
Q: How many big-time drug lords does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to smuggle the new light bulb, and one to meet with the President to deny he was the supplier of the burnt-out bulb.
Q: How many Gloria Macapagal-Arroyos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At least three. The ceiling is too high.
Q: How many Sara Dutertes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. But she’ll make some calls to make sure the old bulb is replaced.
Q: How many minority bloc members in the Lower House does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Which minority bloc?
Q: How many economic managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he’ll insist on raising taxes to collect funds to buy a new bulb.
Q: How many “dilawans” does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Thousands to chant, “Tama na! Sira na! Palitan na!”, and one to replace it.
Q: How many Bongbong Marcos media influencers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
Q: How many Persida Acostas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to call a press conference to present the burnt-out bulb.
Q: How many Manny Pacquiaos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Light bulbs are not mentioned in the Bible.
Q: How many millennials does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to record it live on Instagram.
Q: How many Mocha Usons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Are you sure you want her to do the job?
Q: How many Kris Aquinos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to record the moment for the whole world to see.
Q: How many Presidential Communications Operations Office copywriters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Tree.
Marcelo Landicho is more popularly known online as the award-winning blogger and political satirist The Professional Heckler. New Twitter account: @HecklerForever8