Saturday, September 22, 2018
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Light bulbs and politics

Q: How many Rodrigo Dutertes does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two. One to change it, and one to curse the darkness.

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Q: How many Rodrigo Dutertes does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. The report about the burnt-out bulb is “pure speculation.”

Q: How many members of the Duterte administration does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Five:

  1. One to announce that the light bulb needs to be changed;
  2. One to create a controversial viral dance video about it;
  3. One to blame ‘dilawans” for the old bulb burning out;
  4. One to buy a new bulb from China; and
  5. One to publish a fake news article titled, “Duterte voted best electrician in the solar system”

Q: How many Antonio Trillaneses does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two. One to change it, and one to initiate a probe into the possible involvement of President Duterte in the old light bulb’s “death.”

Q: How many Ben Tulfos does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One. But he’ll demand P60 million for doing the task.

Q: How many Wanda Teo-Tulfos does it take to change a light bulb?

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A: Two. One to go shopping for a new bulb, and one to change it.

Q: How many Richard Gordons does it take to change light bulb?

A: Only one. He holds the bulb in place and enjoys the moment as the world revolves around him.

Q: How many Alan Peter Cayetanos does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Just one, but he follows the step-by-step instructions of the Chinese.

Q: How many big-time drug lords does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two. One to smuggle the new light bulb, and one to meet with the President to deny he was the supplier of the burnt-out bulb.

Q: How many Gloria Macapagal-Arroyos does it take to change a light bulb?

A: At least three. The ceiling is too high.

Q: How many Sara Dutertes does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. But she’ll make some calls to make sure the old bulb is replaced.

Q: How many minority bloc members in the Lower House does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Which minority bloc?

Q: How many economic managers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Just one, but he’ll insist on raising taxes to collect funds to buy a new bulb.

Q: How many “dilawans” does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Thousands to chant, “Tama na! Sira na! Palitan na!”, and one to replace it.

Q: How many Bongbong Marcos media influencers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: How many can you afford?

Q: How many Persida Acostas does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two. One to change it, and one to call a press conference to present the burnt-out bulb.

Q: How many Manny Pacquiaos does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. Light bulbs are not mentioned in the Bible.

Q: How many millennials does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two. One to change it, and one to record it live on Instagram.

Q: How many Mocha Usons does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Are you sure you want her to do the job?

Q: How many Kris Aquinos does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two. One to change it and one to record the moment for the whole world to see.

Q: How many Presidential Communications Operations Office copywriters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Tree.

Marcelo Landicho is more popularly known online as the award-winning blogger and political satirist The Professional Heckler. New Twitter account: @HecklerForever8

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TAGS: Duterte, Philippine politics, politics
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