Secrets of a senior

There may be a calamity this year. China might fight with the United States and this could lead to world war III. It is good to be prepared for death. “One only dies once and if one does not die well, a good opportunity is lost,” according to Dr. Jose Rizal. Before I die, I want to share secrets I learned. How I wish I learned them sooner and applied them daily in my life.

The first is to be honest with yourself and others. I wanted to become a priest, but my mother did not allow me. She ordered me to go to parties, dance with wallflowers and become the chaperone of my sister.

So I danced with more than a thousand girls in high school. I attended parties from first year to fourth year high school.

There was peace in Manila in the 1970s. But it was superficial peace. It was martial law. Activists were being arrested and put to jail without trial.

I found out the real situation when I met Ricardo Manapat, an activist in 1975. He exposed the ill-gotten wealth of Marcos in his book “Some Are Smarter Than Others.”

The second secret is to have no regrets. I had no regrets meeting Ricardo. But I regret giving girls my landline number. My mother got angry.

My mother did not want me to marry young. She married at 18 years old. She died of childbirth on Nov. 15, 1974. My father was jailed during the martial law years. But he was not an activist. My father died of a heart attack four months after my mother died.

The death of my mother was the biggest trauma of my life. Had I entered the seminary in high school, my mother would probably still be alive. If there is a time machine today, I would go back and enter the seminary.

After college, I wrote in my diary that I will work for five years and enter the seminary afterwards. But I did not.

I was single for a very long time—up to 45 years old. I had no health problem and no financial problem. I pitied the poor people who had many kids and were not practicing family planning.

I eventually married. Now I am practicing the third secret, which is to love. I love my wife. But liberated ladies still tempt me.

I value my relationship with my wife. My wife is very understanding. She told me it is all right for me to have an affair with another woman, as long as I kept it a secret.

I will just hurt myself if I do get into an affair. My conscience
will bother me.

The fourth secret is to love the moment—to appreciate and be grateful for every single day. Gratitude is the best attitude in life.

I became very sad when my wife was diagnosed with cancer. I could not do anything except pray and apply the last secret, which is to give more than I take.

I let my wife use the car while I take public transportation, because I work in Quezon City while she works in Makati. I wash the dishes, take out the garbage and do other manual chores that I did not do when we had no maid.

I also pray the rosary daily for her. I thank God we have been together for 17 years now. I want to be with her for at least 80 years. That is my wish. Love grows through the years.

My wife takes her medication daily to be healthy, and we pray daily and remember the words of Saint Therese to help us not to worry: “Let nothing disturb you. Let nothing frighten you. All things pass away except God.”

Emmanuel de Leon, 62, teaches at Ateneo de Manila. He wrote a book titled “Secrets To A Long Life And Lasting Marriage.”