Being a lucky American married to the Filipino “girl of my dreams,” I have learned at least 10 things in our two years of marriage that may be of value to others contemplating such a union of two cultures:
1. Family comes first. My new and extended family easily numbers 20 or more. Although my wife and her two children will soon be getting US green cards, their ties to this vast archipelago and its inhabitants are unbreakable. Just consider the 30,000 US veterans and social security annuitants married to Filipino women and happily residing here.
2. Don’t shout. Having been trained as an infantry officer, I have a booming “command voice” which, triggered by a hot temper, seldom works in this culture. My little wifey has learned the “red button” things that may evoke my shouts, and usually avoids them. Now, the only time I raise my voice above speaking level is in the chorus of a love song — my favorite, “I Will Always Love You” by the late Whitney Houston.
3. Do your best to keep control of the family finances. And even that may not be enough, so separate banking accounts make a lot of sense.
4. Traffic in Mega Manila is monumental. If you are crippled and too large for jeepneys, as I am, be prepared to spend a lot of time in taxis. Political promises aside, with the growth of the economy and increased sales of cars and motorcycles, no solution seems in sight, alas. In Taipei, where I lived for many years, a splendid subway solved its traffic problems. My wife will be shocked when she sees how little traffic there is in Metro Omaha, let alone on the vast Nebraska prairies where seldom is heard a discouraging word, let alone the honking of horns on congested roads.
5. Always remember: Your wife is a woman and a Filipino. These should be obvious, especially to a diplomat who has lived and worked in more than 50 countries around the world. Yet I have to remind myself that her ways and habits are NOT the same as someone raised in North America.
6. My wife is a consummate caregiver, tender mother, terrific daughter, fabulous sister, generous auntie, and hard worker whose only flaw — so far — is she operates on “Filipino time.” She will have to adjust when she reaches American shores, I keep telling her.
7. My country has an aging population and willy-nilly wants to reduce “chain immigration”—just when we are needing more competent caregivers for our elderly, like me. If I were President Duterte, I would try to make a deal with President Trump for special consideration for a special quota for hardworking, God-fearing, family-oriented Filipinos. After all, we fought together in World War II, and are allies most of the time. The young men here make fine soldiers, too. Canada is way ahead of the United States in its
immigration policies, which appear to be stuck in dead center.
8. Having been here for the last elections and being a political observer around the world, I liked what Candidate Duterte promised. Now, I like what he is doing as a populist President, although his rebalancing toward China is going to require careful diplomacy in getting China to help crack down on the intolerable level of drug trafficking coming from Taiwan and the mainland. His tough stance vis-á-vis Kuwait and in defense of overseas Filipino workers are laudable.
9. Religion is a huge part of Filipino lives, whether here or as OFWs. The diaspora networks of a dynamic evangelist like Pastor Apollo C. Quiboloy are a testament to both the cohesion of the culture and their generosity in supporting the good works of such missions. But a recent seizure of large amounts of undeclared cash in Hawaii will need some explanation for the public not to be turned off.
10. You’re never too old to learn. At 78 (my wife is 30), I readily admit that I have a lot to learn. Happily, I have found someone to take me on to 99 or more — God willing, and the kindness of Filipinos to their elders continues to overwhelm me. Indeed, if I were a young investor, I would work to develop elder hostels, tourism for the well traveled, and other services catering to those who have traveled a long road—and yet hope to travel even more.
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Thomas R. Hutson is a retired US consul general who now lives in Caloocan City.