Evolving
I can still remember writing an article about my dad when I was in college. I submitted it to the Philippine Daily Inquirer hoping it would get to be published. My dad didn’t know that my underlying reason for writing that article was to persuade him to allow me to rent my own place—outside the school campus.
Luckily, my article got into print. I could still hear him boasting to everyone he knew that his little girl’s article had been published in the Inquirer. He was so happy about it, he gave in to my wish.
A decade passed and I am here writing and hoping again that this article will also be published. I am not doing this to make my dad give in to my demands (or maybe I do?) but to make him and my mom—and, yes, my husband as well—more proud of me.
Right after college, I looked for a job. This new chapter of my life was what I dreamed of for years. I always imagined myself with a job of my own, earning my own salary and, more importantly, having the freedom I longed for. But just like with all other parents, the thought of their child going out into an unfamiliar, cruel world scared mom and dad. The truth of the matter was that I was more than eager to get out there and experience adult life, including the problems that come with it. What I didn’t know was that the cruel world would be harsher, and it would not be any easier for me.
My first job was at a television network. The salary was all right but not enough. Nevertheless, I enjoyed being the author of stories that the nation watched. My parents always looked forward to every show. Then suddenly, this idealist was faced with a dilemma. I left the job, hoping to find my own place somewhere. I went home, uncertain of what to do next. Days passed. I had nothing to do, which was depressing. But thanks for the blessing of having parents who are ready to support me no matter what happens.
Unemployed, I then decided to pursue a master’s degree. I went back to being a student. I had to make adjustments again because being a dependent I found myself again bound by restrictions. Like having to ask permission. If I hated it, so did my parents.
After a couple of months, a friend who was about to leave the country recommended me for the job she was vacating. I readily bit it, because it did not require me to work during weekends, which meant I had time to attend my classes. It would also give me back some of the freedom I lost when I became unemployed. The work was something new to me, but I enjoyed the challenges it presented. But then it became more demanding of my time and I had to give up graduate school.
My parents were sort of disappointed, they would rather have me finish a post-grad course and then take up law. A part of me wanted to heed their wish, if only to make them happier. Everytime I would imagine being called an “attorney,” and my ears would thrill to the the sound. I also considered going out of the country as a labor attaché. After weighing all the pros and cons, I decided to continue with my work; I thought I was lucky to have a job in a country with a high unemployment rate.
But just as I got used to my job, I found out it was a dog-eat-dog world. Of course selling means “selling” no matter what. It’s all about being able to manipulate the market. I learned it and I mastered the ins and outs of the game. However, my idealism began to bother me, again. There were some things I could no longer stomach. When another job opportunity came along, I did not think twice. By then I had accepted the fact that no matter where I go, the world will remain the same.
But I was armed with the thought that what I have gone through in my previous jobs have tested my limits and have molded me into a better person. But my new job did more than test my limits, it did worse. I was up against the kind of people my parents were scared of—cruel people. I was tested and pushed against the wall. My parents were correct: The world is indeed cruel and it has no intention of sparing anyone. I realized then that I had to fight back, but in a positive way. Instead of looking for a place where my idealism could fit in, I decided I’ll create a place for it. I fought not only for myself and my beliefs but also for the task assigned to me and the people I was responsible for. I went through a very long and tiring battle that I thought will see no end. But lo and behold, I managed to stay in the job.
It is still stressful and demanding. But it has brought out both the worst and the best in me. And I learned that doing something good even in the middle of a cruel world is not only self-fulfilling, it makes life worth living. Needless to say, it is just a matter of taming the cruel world and making sure of creating a place for idealism.
Time went by and I met Mr. Right. When we both felt it was time to settle down, we asked for the blessings of our parents. My dad cried, but my mom was very excited. Mom helped me with all the preparations and my sister became my assertive wedding planner. The year flew fast, as we proceeded with the preparations. On wedding day, I was engulfed by an unexplainable feeling of happiness mixed with some nervousness.
Marriage has made me a better person and it is drawing out the real best in me. My husband and I complement each other well, and I know I have created a place for my idealism. We are hoping to raise our own children any time soon. But for now, it is still honeymoon period. I know that eventually, I will have to do my own parenting, and I am praying hard that in this “job” I will become like my parents or even better than them.
Julienne Gayle V. Caringal-Guianan, 28, is a front office manager at Thunderbird Resorts-Poro Point.
