Tried suicide and failed; now what? | Inquirer Opinion
Young Blood

Tried suicide and failed; now what?

/ 05:02 AM October 15, 2017

In May of 2016, I overdosed on Escitalopram, Aripiprazole and Clonazepam. My then boyfriend called, understandably going out of his mind with worry, and all I could slur was “Sorry.”

I was rushed to hospital, where I spent three days hungry (I wasn’t allowed to eat anything) and craving a cigarette. There was no stomach pumping, no charcoal mixture forced down my throat. Just observation.

I nearly laughed. Even at suicide, I was a failure.

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So the question in my mind after getting discharged was: Now what?

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What do I tell my employer about why I was out for three days? What do I tell my family and friends about why I did it? And most importantly, did my continued living mean that something better was in store, or was it going to be the same old misery I lived with?

It’s been over a year since my attempt. Now what?

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Now, I know how to manage my depression better. I know to reach out to people when I feel depression’s deformed claws reaching out to pull me down.

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Now, I know better than to listen to the voice in my head that says everyone will be better off without me.

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Now, I’ve been trying to adopt healthy coping mechanisms such as writing and exercise.

I thought it was the end of the world. But it wasn’t. And I appeal to every single person who has ever thought of killing themselves: There is a light at the end of your seemingly bottomless misery. The good days will come again for you, as they have for me.

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Ela Kaimo, 25, from Quezon City, works as a technical recruiter and “loves cats, dogs, and sometimes even people.”

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TAGS: Depression, Young Blood

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