Human nature and hurtful narratives

Like every other human who wanders this earth, I have dealt with my fair share of gossip. I have braved the rumor-filled halls of school, my feet dragging over downtrodden reputations. I have awakened to my phone alarm mingled with the unmistakable pings of messenger applications, opening group chats filled with lies and deceit. I have had blame of all sorts unjustly pinned on myself, my best friends, or my worst enemies. Granted, people have a deeply instilled instinct that predates even our forefathers: talking to other people about other people. Although I have taken great pains to fight what is supposedly human nature — especially when so many of my peers have fallen prey to it — I can’t deny that, perhaps, life would be lacking in important lessons if these heedless judgments ceased to exist.

To be fair, not everyone discusses others out of sheer malice and contempt; however, not everyone does it out of the goodness of their hearts either. Talking behind someone’s back has, for all intents and purposes, a goal. Don’t try to deny it. Whether you want to tear someone’s reputation apart or improve it, one thing’s for certain: You are on a mission, and in no way are you going to fail in delivering your message.

But I digress. I have often prided myself in my derision for back-stabbing, especially in a world that seems to revolve around putting others down with false accusations. But upon reflection, I wondered why I was so withdrawn from this contemptuous culture so many others were practicing. I wanted to know what was driving so many in society to deceit. I decided to conduct a social experiment: When someone discusses the latest drama, I would do my best to contribute to whatever scintillating or scandalizing details s/he had for me.

The experiment both worked and backfired, depending on how you look at it. There were certainly some tidbits that I could have added to, but I chose not to. So why didn’t I contribute more juicy information to the spiel? I then realized that I didn’t want to talk bad about others simply because I didn’t want people to view them in a negative way. Though I may not know them very well, I thought that just as you and I do not want to be viewed in a negative light, these persons being discussed do not want to be seen in a bad way either.

In short, I prefer to only do unto others what others do unto me. I am a staunch adversary of hypocrisy. It is not that I have never accidentally partaken in any type of gossip—after all, I have never claimed to be self-righteous. I don’t deal in malicious lies because I don’t want to hurt or ruin someone’s life. Naively, I had the impression that everyone thought like me. But thanks to careful observation, I have discovered the harshness that is rumor-spreading reality.

So why do people spread rumors and lies out of amusement? Some people seem to deem these malignant putdowns as perfectly normal, adding “being conniving” to their roster of nonexistent talents.

Gossip manifests in several ways. For example, a girl back-stabs her supposed best friend, bemoaning the other’s eager attitude while her friend remains blissfully ignorant. A more childish occurrence includes blatant bullying: Once, I witnessed a group of girls discussing a renowned beauty’s ability to “fool people,” as she was supposedly not as pretty as her sister. These bullies were not in possession of any particularly pleasant physical features, and even if they did, they had no right to deride the girl’s face to her face.  Finally, I was once accused of breaking a rule—something that I not only did not do but also had no resources to carry out. When I politely defended myself, and when the real culprit graciously admitted her mistake, my tormentors decided to play the victim, and accused me of attacking them.

Some people love judging others for not doing anything wrong. I’ve also heard more ludicrously made-up stories about whose health is failing, whose parents are separating, and whose partner is cheating—and the acute falseness is sickening.

Yes, like many others, I have experienced being the recipient of someone else’s vicious rumor-spreading, and I know many others have dealt with this kind of distasteful behavior as well. Yet these instances have helped me distinguish my true friends—people like me, who choose to withhold judgment and refrain from gossip—from my enemies. Such tactlessness is thankfully limited to a select few; good people are still a majority. Despite being wronged, we have held our heads high and avoided “revenge.” After all, it would mean stooping to the level of petty behavior.

I have realized why some love weaving webs of lies: It’s insecurity. These wagging tongues are neither talented nor intelligent; they are merely bored, comforting themselves by telling tales to hurt others. All these, coupled with the awareness of their own shortcomings, have caused them to step on others to raise themselves up. Once they are discovered, lest their black hearts become exposed, they prefer playing the victim instead of apologizing.

If it is in human nature to judge, whether out of spite, boredom, or conformity, then so be it. Surely it will take extreme lengths for all of humankind to bury this virulent side of themselves. However, I still believe that something can be done, since we humans have managed to evolve and become better at squelching our previous barbaric instincts. Whether or not it is my remaining naivete speaking, I do not know. But what I am sure of is this: We have the responsibility to reflect and decide if we possess the integrity to respect ourselves enough to not disrespect others.

If yes, then well and good, we have saved society from crumbling into bitter untruths. If not, then every day would be judgment day, and our world will be clouded not only by physical pollution but the toxicity of garbage opinions as well. Whether or not the spiteful surviving few would heed this warning is up to them. I exclude myself from their narrative.

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Caitlin Anne Young, going on 18, is “a fashion-loving feminist determined to balance writing as an intern at candymag.com  (among other endeavors) with completing a business course at Ateneo de Manila University.”