The story is told of a boy who was admiring a very expensive car. “It is a gift from my brother,” the owner of the car said. “Don’t you wish you had an expensive car like this?” The boy answered: “I wish I had a brother like yours.”
The story is told of a man who is so shy that when he steps into the elevator, he comes in quietly with his head bowed. The elevator operator asks him, “What floor, sir?” And he says, “Ah, fifth floor, please… if it’s not out of the way.”
The story is told of an elderly Jew who had been going to the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem every single day, for 40 years, to pray. When a reporter asked him what he was praying for at the Wall, he replied: “For peace.” When the reporter asked him how he felt after doing this for 40 years, he replied: “I feel like I’m talking to a wall!”
The story is told of a man who boasted about his stem cell procedure—which made use of a lamb—and how everything turned out well. He said that he feels stronger, and he even looks younger. Everything was fine, except that whenever he burped, the sound “meeeh” would come out from time to time!
I received this text message saying that as men become older, they become more attractive, and women find them more irresistible. Wow! The same text message says, though, that as men become older, they become more gullible and prone to believing such text messages!
The story is told about a preacher who, wanting to console the grieving family, used the analogy of the peanut to explain the mystery of death and the life beyond. Pointing to the deceased, he ended up saying: “What we have here is just the shell. The nut is gone”—to the consternation and amusement of the congregation!
The story is told of a wife who asked her husband about the three grains of rice and a P1,000 bill which she found in his drawer. Pressed for an answer, the husband admitted to her that the three grains of rice are a reminder to him of how many times he lied to her. “Wow. Only three times! How about the P1,000 bill?” the wife asked. “Oh, that,” he said. “That is from the sale of the sack of rice that I had already accumulated!”
The story is told about a little boy who sobbed all the way home in the back of the car after the christening of his baby brother in church. Three times his father asked him what was wrong. Finally the boy said: “The priest kept saying that he wanted us to be brought up in a Christian home.” “So, what’s the problem?” the father asked. “But I want to stay with you guys!” the boy cried.
The story is told that during the visit of John Paul II to the Philippines in 1995, a high government official shocked everyone when he was heard saying, “Anti Pope!” When asked for an explanation, he said he was one of those who had been waiting (antay) for the Pope, following him wherever he went, and waiting for the chance to be blessed by him. Antay nang antay kay Pope!
Someone once defined the stages and transformations in life thus: 0-5 years old, learning skills. 6-16 years old, undergoing many drills; 17-25 years old, experiencing thrills; 26-40 years old, paying bills; 41-60 years old, suffering ills; 61-75 years old, taking pills; 76 years old and beyond, preparing our wills.
The story is told about two men drinking at a bar. One of them said: “Alcohol is not the enemy. It’s the ice.” The other one asked: “Why do you say that?” The first man said: “Vodka and ice will ruin your kidneys. Rum and ice will ruin your liver. Whisky and ice will ruin your heart. Gin and ice will ruin your brain. Apparently, ice is the common denominator. So, ice is the enemy!”
The story is told about a father and son on their first camping trip together. The two could not sleep because of mosquitoes. The father said: “Don’t worry, I know how to handle this. Let’s put off the lights so they won’t see us.” Soon after, the fireflies started to appear in the dark, and the son said: “Dad, they’re back, with their flashlights on!”
