A FRIEND ASKED ME SOME WEEKS AGO, ?What exactly does bipolar mean??

I said as far as I knew it was the clinical term for manic-depressive, a disorder characterized by violent mood swings, literally from one pole to the other. I said it often involved loss of identity or confusion about it. But with medication, bipolar people could live fully functional lives. I said I knew all this because I knew people who were.

And then I asked why he asked. Because, he answered, I heard that the Villar camp is threatening to produce documents that show Noynoy Aquino to be bipolar.

I laughed out loud. Jesus, I said, those guys must be getting desperate. Noynoy, bipolar? Maybe he suffers from ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), I joked, but not bipolar syndrome. But then, I went on, this country is full of people with ADHD; I myself seem to be surrounded by them. That is in the form of company who cannot carry a conversation for a few minutes without calling from or answering their cell phones, without butting in while someone is talking, or (particularly for the males but not confined to them) without their eyes wandering around a room, scouring for prey.

As far as I know, I said, Noynoy doesn?t seem to be confused about his identity. Unlike other people who do not know whether they are rich or poor, who do not know whether they are opposition or administration, who do not know whether they are buying pizza or buying votes.

Well, as it turned out, the revelation wouldn?t be about bipolar, it would be about something else. But I?m still laughing my head off. The Aquino camp of course has scoffed at the reports and called them fake. I myself do not know why anyone should take them seriously enough to even call them fake.

We are a country where entertainers want to become politicians and politicians want to become entertainers. We know that because the most serious exposé in recent years was the one about Hayden Kho exposing himself and Katrina Halili to the viewing public. And we know it was serious because it catapulted Bong Revilla to the top of the senatorial pack in the surveys. Obviously the public wants more public-service exposés of the kind, in aid of legislation. And we worry that we might have a president who is crazy?

We are a country where candidates sing and dance on the stage, though I don?t know that voters will find the spectacle of Miriam Santiago doing that entertaining. Miriam, if I recall, was the original ?Brenda? (if you don?t know why, where have you been?), which she proved by putting a gun on her table and daring the police arrest her after she goaded Erap?s legions to sugod, sugod Malacañang, and they did. She and Juan Ponce Enrile would turn from GMA?s arch enemies to GMA?s arch friends. Enrile himself would thrive under Marcos, Cory, Ramos, Erap and Gloria. He will probably continue to thrive under Noynoy. And we worry that we might have a president who is crazy?

We are a country where a candidate spends P10 billion to try to become president all the while trying to convince the poor he is like them. Indeed, all the while trying to convince the poor that once he becomes president he will not try to be richer but only to be poorer, like them. Indeed whose orange uniform is exactly like the one worn by the inmates of Muntinlupa, minus the black letters, but which latter uniform he is not likely to wear as it is reserved only for poor thieves and not rich ones. And we worry that we might have a president who is crazy?

We are a country where the people who are tasked to conduct elections do not know the difference between votes and borjers, or more worrisomely who really do but prefer borjers to votes. And we worry that we might have a president who is crazy?

We are a country where the sitting, or glued-to-her-seat, President is someone who has never been voted president. We are a country where a sitting, or glued-to-her seat President, wants to remain sitting or glued to her seat. We are a country, or well, it is other countries in fact, who want to give our sitting, or glued-to-her-seat, President an award for environmental conservation (the United States) for making everything toxic in this country, and an award for spreading Spanish culture in this country (Spain), particularly the virtue of delicadeza. And we worry that we might have a president who is crazy?

We are a country where the bishops say it?s all right for a presidential candidate to cheat because everyone cheats anyway. We are a country where mothers take care of the children of other nationals so that they can take care of their families but end up having wayward children and even wayward husbands by their absence. We are a country where a couple of dozen people try to fit into cardboard shanties while the lights of the houses in Ayala Alabang are dark because their owners are abroad. And we worry that we might have a president who is crazy?

I do know, which was what assured me that Noynoy wasn?t crazy, that he balked at the idea of running for president. I do know, which was what assured me that his family wasn?t crazy, that his sisters tried to dissuade him from running for president. I do know, which was what assured me that it was the others who were stark raving mad, being atat-na-atat, that Noynoy went into retreat to overcome his reluctance to run because you have to be crazy to want to be president of this country, and absolutely crazy to want to be president of this country after Gloria.

Some craziness are better than others.

I don?t know about you, but these days I can be found singing like a rock star Billy Joel?s ?You May Be Right,? particularly the part that goes:

?You may be right/I may be crazy/ But it may just be a lunatic you?re looking for?.?