EVERY TIME SOMEONE FINDS OUT THAT I HAD THE opportunity to live abroad, he never fails to ask, ?Why did you come back?? And I always tell him that, given the chance to stay legally, I would, but never would I jeopardize my chance of coming back to our country, which would surely happen if I feared that I might not be able to return to the United States or visit some other countries. I have nothing against those who opt to stay in other countries without the necessary legal documents (a.k.a. TNTs), but for me, not being able to come home would be truly a very sad thing.

I have spent holidays in Virginia, USA, where I barely saw or met Filipinos. Making pumpkins for trick or treat during Halloween was something new to me, but going to the cemetery with almost our whole clan is something I eagerly look forward to. Like a child, I was giddy making my first angel on the snow, but spending Christmas there was not at all merry. Aside from missing my family and friends in the Philippines, I missed going to Divisoria during the Christmas rush and squeezing myself between stalls to buy gifts that would fit my budget. I can?t believe that I missed our regular menu for Christmas. I missed my cousins who would kill to pose for a picture.

Welcoming the New Year in Virginia wasn?t a blast. I missed cursing our neighbor when he lighted up a ?5-star? one after the other and set off a ?Judas belt? for a finale.

Spending my birthday without anyone to greet me was awful. But I must thank my sister who sent me a greeting card from Texas. It made me cry even more.

Valentine?s Day wasn?t romantic at all. Aside from the fact that I was having a long distance relationship with my boyfriend (now my ex) at the time, I can?t remember seeing flowers everywhere.

So how on earth do they spend holidays there? I really don?t know. I guess I missed it because I was so busy missing my own culture. I kept a calendar in my pocket where the days I have spent in the US were marked so that I would know how many days were left before I went back home.

I had the chance to stay as TNT, but I chose not to. It wasn?t a hard choice for me at all. Staying would have been harder. I want to live my life doing the things I love and being with the people I love.

As I have said, I have nothing against TNTs. I spent half a year crying and waiting until I could finish my commitment to work for my uncle and come back home. I can just imagine the pain of those TNTs who stay much longer and spend countless holidays missing their families, who don?t know when they would be able to stop working so hard and retire in the Philippines, and who live in constant fear of getting caught and deported. Of course I am speaking of those who still consider themselves Filipinos and continue to believe there is no place like home. Those who no longer find our own country worth coming back to are a different case.

Rhea Kamille C. Neypes, 26, is an advertising traffic associate at Mega Publishing Group.