I was astonished by a remark Lebron James made some days ago. After saying some graceful things about his team, the Cleveland Cavaliers, and vowing he would not be leaving any time soon, he said this to explain his peremptory, and rather petulant, disappearance after their game with Orlando which shattered their dream season:

?It?s hard for me to congratulate somebody after you just lose to them. I?m a winner. It?s not being a poor sport or anything like that. If somebody beats you up, you?re not going to congratulate them. That doesn?t make sense to me. I?m a competitor. That?s what I do. It doesn?t make sense for me to go over and shake somebody?s hand.?

Clearly, Lebron still needs to learn a thing or two about being a winner.

None of it has to do with improving skills, whether basketball or social. As talent goes, Lebron lives up to the epic hype epically. There?s no more awesome player today in basketball: His abilities, which he has proven time and again?even in the series they lost, which owed more to his teammates than to him?are beyond belief. His last-second, three-point shot that saved them from a sweep in the 2nd game may not be the last word on buzzer-beaters (Derek Fisher did it in 0.8 seconds in a playoff game against San Antonio some years ago), but it is awesome. And unlike other players now?and then?he does it on a consistent basis from distances other players have not boldly gone before.

As sheer athleticism and talent goes, he may even surpass Michael Jordan. Of course, he has yet to become a shadow of the leader Jordan was, but that is another story.

Very little in basketball escapes Lebron?s understanding. But very much in life does. Or indeed, very much in sports does, sports being a dazzling, if small, reflection of life.

Everything in his statement above is wrong, or smacks of bad values. Of course, it?s hard for anyone to congratulate someone who has just beaten him, but that is precisely what winners are made of. Being a winner is knowing how to accept defeat. Or to put it better, being a winner is mastering, or conquering, or indeed winning over the impulse to quite literally ?lose it.?

While at that, basketball or any kind of sport is not exactly a schoolyard or street brawl, even if it often looks that way, with bullies having their way with their victims. Even in boxing, which is beating somebody up, the opponents embrace afterward. The only time they do not is when one of them is lights out and dreaming of angels, such as Manny Pacquaio sent Ricky Hatton into. It?s part of the deal. Contrast Rafael Nadal?s graciousness in defeat, a far more crushing and painful blow than Cleveland?s could ever have been, in the hands of unheralded Robin Soderling. He went on to send his best wishes to his arch opponent, Roger Federer, saying: ?Federer is the favorite, in my opinion. If one guy deserves it, that?s him.?

Of course, what Lebron did was poor sportsmanship. It does make sense to congratulate the person who just beat you up in a game?above all for real competitors. It does make sense to go over and shake somebody?s hand after he lent you a crushing defeat?above all for real winners. In fact, poor sportsmanship is the least of what?s wrong with what Lebron did.

An ad for the Olympics shows so. I do not now recall the ad in all its details, but I do recall that it was about a runner who stumbled and fell some distance away from the finish line. I don?t know if he was a favorite. But I do recall that the ad showed the pain and anguish that leaped up to his face when it happened, a pain and anguish that went beyond physical sensations. It wasn?t just a bone that had broken, it was a dream that had shattered. But the man pulled himself up, and favoring the injured leg, which made him look like he was hopping, made his way slowly, agonizingly, determinedly to the finish line. Well before he reached it, the audience had taken to its feet and was applauding. They broke into wild cheers when he finally crossed the line and fell exhausted to the ground. Nobody recalls who won that race anymore, but that fellow has been immortalized for all time.

The Olympics knows something Lebron doesn?t.

Yet another ad for the Olympics puts the concept more explicitly. Again I do not recall the exact words, but I recall that it has to do with honoring your opponent. I honor my opponent, says an athlete, because he makes me better. I honor my opponent because he challenges me to rise to greater heights. I honor my opponent because without him I would not have this honor, which I share with him.

The second drives home the point that the competition is not an enemy, he is an ally despite the ferocity of his opposition, despite the obstacle he puts in your path. The first extends the point by showing that in the end, you are not really competing against other people, you are competing against yourself. You are not really trying to conquer others, you are trying to conquer yourself. That?s where the real gold is.

Where Lebron comes from, of course, you will constantly hear people saying, ?Winning is everything? or ?At the end of the day, it?s the ?W? that matters.? It?s a philosophy that has led to horrible attitudes, if not indeed to war. It?s not just harbored by Lebron, it?s harbored by American culture, a culture that likes being brash, loud, and trash-talking, a culture that likes to intimidate, dominate, and crush. It?s not without its virtues, the competition with others driving people to achieve things beyond belief. But it?s also not without its vices, failing as it does to understand something ?Star Trek? has always known, which is that the final frontier isn?t outer space, it is inner space.

Winning is everything? Maybe. But what do you mean by winning?