Youngblood
Booze, friendship and sad endings
By Ciara May Daquis
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 03:13:00 11/11/2008
Filed Under: Alcohol, Addiction
AFTER TRYING several times to awaken them from their current state of mind, I have accepted defeat. Perhaps, this is the better way to address our situation. I know that it is next to impossible for this to get to them since they seem to have lost their senses over the past few weeks. A friendship built on common grounds might be coming to a bitter end. I am on the verge of letting it go.
We were high school batch mates who found the same road to college. We were young and lively, ready to face the challenges university life had to offer. Though we barely knew each other in high school, we got along pretty well during our early days in the university. It was not much of a surprise, for we shared that same love for booze, parties, and happy trips and everything that was fun.
Ours is a typical college barkada, like the ones we see in the movies. We have struggled through college life, through academic hardships, through rough roads, through laughter and tears. But no matter how strong a certain relationship may seem, sometimes there comes a time of tension and confusion within.
I cannot say I have always been good, but that is not a reason for me to tolerate our failure to stay on the right track. As they say, too much of anything can be dangerous. I may have lost track of the happenings, for as I learned to discipline myself they went to the other extreme and became wild. They were gulping down alcohol almost every night, gambling all day long, sleeping in somebody else's house, losing track of their academic responsibilities. Soon enough, they found something much powerful than alcohol, something that brings euphoria.
I kept quiet for a while, watching them being consumed by the addiction. I do not wish to meddle with their affairs; I am the kind of friend who would support you for as long as you are happy. And indeed they seemed to be happy.
When I talked with one of them recently, her bloodshot eyes told me what they meant by euphoria, the high that makes them forget the world with all its sorrow and pain. She said they were just chilling out.
I told her how I felt about such things. I told her they were making things complicated and so on. She seemed barely able to comprehend what I was saying. I was on my way home, and as I waved goodbye to her, I had already figured out that they would be having another shot of intense happiness that evening.
Together with another concerned friend, I have tried my best to bring them back to reality. We have failed. I am tired of those shallow conversations, of trying hard to stir them out of their stupor, while acting as if everything was all right so as not to attract attention and arouse suspicion from others. It was of no use. The substances had taken their toll, leaving them floating in la-la land, seemingly unconscious and numb to the damage they were doing to themselves.
Our generation is living a life of vices and wickedness. I have been down that road before. I have been there. I have done this and that. I have felt the joy of a strong friendship, the excitement of weekends, the thrill of trying anything new. And I have been stricken by pain and regret. While I sought happiness, I found myself on the path to self-destruction. Fortunately, self-realization came to me and I regained my senses.
No, I have nothing against our generation. Life's lessons are not supposed to be learned from quotes or text messages or other people's experiences. You have to experience them for yourself. As my high school mentor once pointed it out, "Sometimes, you have to experience pain in order to grow. You cannot fully enjoy victory if you don't know what it feels like to face failure and defeat."
Perhaps, this stage of our lives is something that we must all go through. If you have found the way to self-destruction, then you can't miss the road to self-realization.
As my patience grew thin, I ran out of strength to continue the fight. Maybe this is the last time I will try to reach out to them. We have outgrown each other, and our friendship, once rooted in trust and companionship, is nearing a sad ending. It seems to be inevitable, but when that time comes, I will be ready to let it go.
But don't worry, my friends. I may have stopped caring about your whereabouts every night, but when you will have redeemed yourself and become sober and clean, I will be very happy to welcome you back to reality.
Ciara May Daquis, 19, is an engineering student at the University of the Philippines in Diliman.
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