Commentary
‘American Nightmare’
By Belinda A. Aquino
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 00:53:00 08/03/2008
MANILA -- FOR SOME FILIPINOS WHO ARE STILL PURSUING the Great American Dream, that may have become the Great American Nightmare.
My July 5 commentary on the unprecedented upsurge of murder-suicides in Hawaii, resulting in the killing of three Filipino women in a row by their husbands this year alone, has elicited much comment from readers and friends. Needless to say, the whole Filipino community was shocked by the escalating frequency of domestic violence involving Filipinos in Hawaii.
A gut reaction is how such tragic incidents could have been prevented if only the victims had been more careful or knowledgeable about the nature of abusive relationships. One furious comment was, “Why did she marry that crazy guy in the first place?” Another was, “In their desire to come to America, some women just marry anybody who comes along searching for a wife.”
I’m not in to “blaming the victim,” which I think is not the right response in situations like this. But let us analyze for a moment these arguments because they can provide lessons for future Filipino women spouses who may find themselves in one kind of abusive relationship or another.
This is not going to stop at the rate Filipinas are leaving the country via the arranged marriage route. Between 1980 and early 2000 alone, some 180,000 Filipino women have left the country as spouses of foreign men, mainly Americans, Australians, Japanese and Canadians. That is more than the entire Filipino population of Hawaii at the moment. Many of these arrangements are made through the Internet, where Filipinas are portrayed as loving, obedient, unquestioning, uncomplaining and so on.
It turns out that the perpetrator in this latest case, Michael James Sr., was diagnosed as a “bipolar” suffering from manic-depressive mood swings. He was discharged from the US military, and met his future wife Grineline (Elaine), from Claveria, Cagayan, reportedly in Vigan, Ilocos Sur. They got married, lived in the Philippines for a while, had a son, and moved to Hawaii where they bought a $600,000 home in a pricey neighborhood in Honolulu. Michael went into the insurance business mainly operating out of their home. Meanwhile, Elaine got a job in a public high school teaching immigrant children with limited English ability.
On hindsight, Elaine, an educated woman, should have known that her and her husband’s income would not be enough to pay for the monthly mortgage of their expensive home. Add to this their son’s expenses in a private school, which charges much higher tuition than public schools.
Found among the papers in their home after the grisly discovery of their bodies were letters from a bank indicating that the family had accumulated arrears totaling nearly $11,000! Obviously, they didn’t have enough money to meet their monthly payments. It was clearly unrealistic to buy a house they could not afford—as simple as that!
But there’s more. Michael had told his wife a few days before the tragedy that they were going to the US mainland to attend the funeral of his brother. Elaine had told neighbors about this impending trip.
It turned out that the brother was indeed dead but he died 10 years ago! Obviously Michael had written this note before he snapped, strangled his wife, drowned their son and finally hanged himself.
The point about all this is that mental illness is one of the most neglected maladies of modern society. There are literally walking time bombs ready to explode. We will never know if Elaine was able to discern some warning signs of her husband’s strange behavior. In most cases, social workers hesitate to “intervene,” citing these cases as private or family matters.
What can be done from the Philippine end? Recruiting agencies should consider it part of their responsibility to “educate” prospective Filipino brides going overseas on the kinds of help they can access in case they run into domestic abuse. Though there are never enough institutional mechanisms to help out, there are some “halfway houses” providing shelter or legal assistance for abused wives or children.
The women in the end should exercise extreme caution themselves in this “mail-order bride” business, which is disgusting. Actually, the most grisly case I’ve heard about domestic violence happened in Hawaii (again!) in the early ’70s. A Filipino wife had been missing for days. Upon investigation, her crazed husband confessed that he had cut his wife up and incinerated her remains! The police had to retrieve whatever evidence they could from the incinerator.
There are no easy solutions to this complex problem. The best advice is the usual “Buyer Beware!” warning. The world is becoming crazier every day it seems.
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University of Hawaii professor and director of Philippine Studies, Belinda A. Aquino, is in the Philippines on a summer fellowship at the Philippine Social Science Center.
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