Finally, after five years, I’m done with college.

After 16-and-a-half years, I’m through with school. No more uniforms, no more strict professors—what a relief!

Time runs so fast. Yesterday I was just wondering which branch of Starbucks I would go to chill with my friends, and now I’m wondering how I am supposed to budget my money for another 15 days.

Some say I’m lucky; the company where I completed my on-the-job training hired me for their new show. I agree, up to a certain extent, but I am really not that lucky. Having a job makes me realize and experience things I never imagined I would.

My allowance was automatically stopped and it would be very uncomfortable for me to ask my parents for money now. So, I have to control my expenses—for food and shopping, of course. Fair enough.

The first time I read my name on the paycheck I said, “Wow, that’s my name, that’s me!” with a big smile on my face. However deep inside, I was adding, “Damn, this is not enough to buy me a pair of shoes.” But since I was a fresh graduate with no experience, that seemed fair too.

I now pay part of the house bills, though my parents did not ask me to do it. I’d feel guilty if I’m not going to give my share. Which is only fair again.

Since I entered college, my dad let me drive a car. I would always calculate my gas consumption because I didn’t want it to wipe out my allowance. The price of gasoline then was only P24 per liter, so with P100 of gas I could go to school, study at a coffee shop with my friends, and go home. Now, P100 will only bring me as far as the nearest gasoline station. This is not fair.

I love what I’m doing, and I know I can be better with more practice. But with my small salary and with the mountain-high prices of rice, chicken, vegetables and gas, I have thought sometimes of quitting my job and staying at home to watch DVD. I know I can fall back on my parents, but until when? The time will come when I would have to move out and live independently.

My sister is going abroad next month and I’m thinking of leaving, too, because I’m beginning to realize how poor our country is, a feeling I didn’t know when I was still in school. If the streets of Manila could be as safe as Singapore’s, if our public transportation could be as hi-tech as the United Kingdom’s, if our air could be as fresh and as clean as Germany’s, if our roads could be as wide as those in the United States, if our foods could be as cheap as those in Canada, and if our government would be as honest as a 10-year-old who readily tells her mom why the vase was broken, then Philippines would be a better place to stay. Then I’ll choose to stay.

Grace Ann Arce, 21, is a freelance junior producer at MTV Philippines.