Sergio Apostol used to be funny and vastly amusing. But there’s something about joining the current administration that makes you stop being funny and vastly amusing and starts making you cruel and vastly insufferable. Still, there was no small amount of comedy of the vastly hilarious kind in his vituperations against Jun Lozada last week.

After Lozada had described himself as just a “probinsyanong Intsik” [provincial Chinese], Apostol frothed: “He says he is a Chinese from the province. ‘Bagay sa iyo, i-deport ka. Magulo ka.’” [“You ought to be deported. You’re a troublemaker.”]

He has, of course, already apologized to the Chinese community after drawing angry protests from them. I don’t know though why he hasn’t apologized as well to “probinsyanos” [provincials], or indeed drawn an equally animated response from them. After all, he wasn’t clear about whether he wanted Lozada to be deported for being Chinese or for being provincial.

But that’s not the truly funny thing about it. What’s so, and which sent me into fits of laughing when I saw him on TV uttering those words, is that if “probinsyanong Intsik” fitted anyone at all, it fitted Apostol more than Lozada! Apostol may have a Filipino surname and may be eligible to run for public office, but there is no mistaking Chinese blood runs copiously in his veins more than it does in most of us. He in fact looks more Chinese than Lozada.

As to “probinsyano,” wasn’t he the one who produced one glorious line during the Joseph Estrada trial, which was “Madame Wetness”? But I’ll stop there lest I myself earn the ire of the proponents of a Visayan-speaking Mindanao Republic.

So when Apostol demanded that “probinsyanong Intsiks” who are “magulo” be deported, well, you feared for his continued sojourn hereabouts.

But thank God for “probinsyanong Intsiks”! I just came from Naga City to attend the 40th anniversary of our high school year last weekend, and never have Bicolanos been prouder than with what their fellow Bicolano (Lozada is from Albay) has done. Finally, Bicolanos could raise their heads again, they said, which was no small feat after Bicol had for some time worn the face of Luis Villafuerte, Edcel Lagman, and lately Joker Arroyo. The last, as our editorial pointed out, was a no-show last Friday at the Senate after thundering magnificently during Esrada’s time, “We cannot have a nation run by a thief!” Finally Bicol has been rescued from the pits -- by a “probinsyanong Intsik.”

But it’s a triumph not just for Bicolanos but for “probinsyanos” in general. And an object lesson too for them. A great deal has been said about how imperial Manila can be made to serve the vassal countryside. A greater deal can be made about how the countryside can make imperial Manila its vassal. That is by conquering it spiritually if not physically. That is by compelling it to hark to the virtues probinsyanos are known for: simplicity, honesty, goodness of heart. Or a reasonable facsimile thereof: Lozada is no saint; thank God for that, too.

Just as well, maybe the Year of the Rat is truly the year of the Chinese as well. After the Chinese have worn the face of Donald Dee, most of them would be grateful to find themselves wearing the face of Jun Lozada. Not least aesthetically: Lozada has a far more agreeable one than the first. Lozada may have done more for the Chinese community in this country than all the officials of the Federation of Filipino-Chinese Chambers of Commerce and Industry put together. Certainly, he has done wonders for the word “Intsik” which has tended to carry pejorative meanings in the past. I know some Chinese mind being called “Intsik,” notwithstanding that that is the local word, and would rather be referred to by the English word, “Chinese” or the local word, “Tsino.” Now, they can carry the epithet “Intsik” proudly, and defiantly, in the same way that people in the province can carry the epithet “probinsyano” proudly and defiantly.

All because a proud and defiant Chinese, like the rat that came at Buddha’s bidding, ratted on crooks in government on New Year’s Day in the Year of the Rat.

But more than for the “probinsyanos” and the “Intsiks,” it’s a triumph for Filipinos of all shapes and sizes. Who, after being driven to near-despair by a never-ending and deeply insulting spectacle of the triumph of evil, have been given to hope good might triumph in the end after all. I remember how in Robert Bolt’s “A Man for All Seasons” Henry VIII’s allies wanted to know why he was so insistent on winning over Thomas More when More was just one man and he, the king, had the support of archbishops and dukes alike, of Church and State alike. “Because he is an honest man,” Henry replies. “And an honest man is the most dangerous enemy of all” (or words to that effect, I’m quoting from memory).

Lozada is by no means a Thomas More. He is by his own admission someone who did things he is now deeply ashamed of. But he is one who when the time came to give a reckoning of himself to earth’s version of St. Peter, who are the people, rose from the ashes to live up to his father’s demand that he be an honest man.

Maybe God works in truly mysterious ways, or maybe that’s just the sublime way of things, miracles happening when you least expect it. In Tolkien’s “Lord of the Ring,” it wasn’t the valiant king of men, the swift-footed prince of elves, the last remaining royal descendant of the dwarfs, or the powerful white wizard that put an end to the terrifying, impregnable, and seemingly interminable rule of evil Mordor. It was a most unlikely creature, a short, unimpressive, Hobbit named Frodo. Except that he would be courageous, pure of heart, and would have the power to resist the thoroughly corrupting influence of evil. What can one say?

Thank God for Hobbits. And thank God for “probinsyanong Intsiks.”

More Inquirer columns

Previous columns:
Profile in courage - 2/11/08
‘Kung hei fat choy’ - 2/07/08
Karma - 2/06/08
More ‘titsers’ - 2/05/08