The story is told about a priest who asked the parents what baptismal name they wanted to give their child. The father of the child said: “His name is Celpon, Father.” When asked why, he said: “We combined my wife’s name, which is Celia, and my name, Ponciano, hence Celpon.” Another couple gave their child the name Charger. Why? You guessed it—the father’s name was Charlie and the mother’s name was Gertrudes!
The story is told about a wife who informed her husband that her stress level is very high. She quoted her doctor as saying that one option she should consider is to go abroad and spend some time shopping and sightseeing to lower her stress level. The husband responded: “Honey, another option is to see another doctor!”
The story is told about a man who texted his older brother: “Manong, the typhoon is coming and all our neighbors are panic-buying! Me? Nag-panic na lang! Wala naman akong pang-buying!” (All I could do was panic because I have no money for buying!)
The story is told about a little boy who saw an unused tomb in the cemetery. His mother explained to him that it was built by his aunt who will eventually be buried there. The little boy thought about this for a while. Before leaving the place, he had an insight and placed a sign on the empty tomb: “Coming soon!”
The story is told about a little boy who, in order to get the attention of the busy store owner, shouted: “I would like to buy the two most popular compounds, sodium chloride and the simplest glucose, and also the common spices, allium cepa and allium sativum, all worth $0.4807692!” The store owner was stunned. “Now that I have your attention,” the little boy then said, “I’d like to buy salt, sugar, onions, and garlic. Converted to pesos, that’s P22.”
The story is told about a group of wives who were instructed during a recollection to send a message of gratitude to their respective husbands. These are some of the responses that the women received: “Are you sick?” “Do you need anything?” “Can you repeat your message, please?” The best one was: “Who you?”
The story is told about a man who was selling his dog. The interested buyer wanted to know: “Is he a dog that can be faithful to his master?” The seller replied: “Guaranteed, sir. You see, I have sold him five times already, and he has come back to me five times!”
The story is told about an elderly husband who told his wife: “Get me ice cream from the refrigerator, please.” And he warned her not to be forgetful. True enough, the wife came back bringing him a hot dog instead. Whereupon the husband said: “See, I told you. You are really forgetful already! You forgot the catsup!”
The story is told about the father of the bride who was grinning from ear to ear on his daughter’s wedding day. When asked why, he said: “It is a happy day because my daughter is finally getting married. It is also liberation day because she finally returned her extension credit card to me!”
The story is told about a man who complained about the food in his lunch box every day. “Rice and fish again! Rice and fish again!” was his continuous lamentation. After one week his fellow worker told him: “Why don’t you ask your wife to change your food?” His reply: “I have no wife. I make my own food.”
The story is told about a bus driver who was offered a handful of peanuts by an old lady seated at the choice seat behind him. He gratefully accepts and munches on them. Soon after, the old lady gives him another handful of peanuts. The third time she does this, the driver finally asks her why she keeps giving him peanuts. The lady’s reply: “That’s because I have no teeth, and I just love the chocolates around them.”
Someone said that not all trespassing is bad. Remember, in college, when you got a “tres” for a grade? That was passing! “Tres,” passing!
