In time, out and proud
They say if you are a teacher, you must marry by the age of 25 or be a damsel in distress for the rest of your life. I am a public school teacher, 26 years old, not married.
My coteachers always ask me what is wrong with me. Some even ask for my number and give it to those who may want to be my boyfriend. But I always turn them down. I’m not interested. They know I just got out of a three-year relationship, or at least that’s what I tell them.
I can’t tell them everything. It’s difficult for me to tell everyone it’s over, when in fact it has never ended.
We have to hide and keep our relationship in discreet. I know in time we can be out and proud, strong enough to face the crowd and tell the world we are in love.
I remember how I told my sisters about our relationship. It was perhaps the most relieved I’ve ever felt in my life. I wanted to be proud of us, and I had to be honest to the most important people in my life.
I know I can’t be open to everyone because not all of them will understand. But allow me, even just through my writings, to tell about my love for her, our story.
It was summer when I met her. I was broke and broken. She wasn’t broke, but she was more than broken. She was wrecked. It was a perfect time for two vulnerable people. I was there for her, the way she was there for me.
We call each other fate. Indeed, she is my sweet serendipity.
We are of two different worlds. She’s into numbers, I am into letters. She’s into counting, I am into writing. For her my life is boring and for me hers is loud.
Whenever I talk to her, my heart is at peace like it has never been broken, like I’ve never been hurt. Yet my scars do not even cover half of what she has gone through. I know for a fact that I can never replace what she and her ex had for seven years.
I didn’t know what waiting was until I met her. I don’t know how but I fell for her first. I let go of all what ifs. It came to a point where I didn’t care if I was stranded. All I knew was I could wait forever. But it wasn’t easy.
They say everything is possible if you keep on praying. I did and it’s worth it. God made us to be together. He more than granted my hope of happiness because He gave me my better half.
Every time I think about summer, I can only remember how we started, how we cried over the past, how we embraced each other’s mistakes and eventually moved forward together. Everything that I am right now isn’t possible without her.
She took the risk when she loved me. It wasn’t easy for her to love again. Still, she entrusted her love to me, promising me forever. I never felt anything like this until she came into my life.
It’s been more than thousand days since I said “yes.” She gives meaning to my life and makes every day the happiest. I’ve always wondered if love can turn fantasy into reality. Now I realize I am lucky to find someone who makes it true.
Life, however, can sometimes be hard on us. We still face many difficulties. Like sometimes I have to keep her away from my crowd. But she understands. She is patient enough to wait for the right time. Despite our struggles, I have never failed to say a prayer thanking God for her.
I love her and want the whole world to know. My life has become brighter because of her. She loves me for who I am. I don’t care what people think when she holds my hand, when she stares at me with her eyes full of love, a girl doing so to another girl.
Our love is being questioned, but we know the answers. We may be condemned by people not open to the kind of love we have, but I will never force them to understand. She is my haven. I see myself spending my life only with her. What we have is something I am ready to fight for. No more what ifs, no more buts, just true and infinite love.
Fate Nanit is a public school teacher from Angeles City, Pampanga.
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