Unfriend

It was last year when I had a minor conflict with a long-term friend of mine over what I consider a petty issue (although we are already professionals). Over the months that we did not get to talk to each other because of busy schedules, I was tempted to unfriend her on Facebook. The inviting button with a check mark by the side of the label “friend” drew my hand to click on the “unfriend,” but what does this imply in terms of my personhood and my submergence in this social networking site?

Unfriending means rooting out someone from one’s virtual world. It is a way of cutting ties with another person, especially when you do not desire to see that person’s posts in your news feed. It is also a way for couples to break up, as what happens rampantly nowadays; one merely changes the relationship status in Facebook from “in a relationship” to “single.”

In my case, I wanted to stop seeing my friend’s posts as this sense of estrangement has seemingly conquered our friendship. I wanted to unfriend her, as though I were living in this hybrid reality.

But there are things in the social media that cannot be extended to real life. One’s identity in the social media can never be totally equivalent to one’s real-life identity. There were times when I wondered why the “likes” on my profile photos do not exceed 100. Shallow it may sound like, but it made me wonder. I began to lose confidence in myself. But then I realized that not everything is all about the “likes” and comments of people in this social networking site. Others may have found popularity in this virtual world, but not at all times should people dwell on their social status in that site.

The social media world seems to be conquering the real world, creating the current hybrid reality to which most of us are highly exposed. In this hybrid reality, we tend to create the illusion that we can extend our social media world to our real life. This makes us immerse ourselves in the identity created in this hybridity. And, little by little, we mix things up.

In this hybrid world where almost everything can be instant, people tend to extend the speed to their own lives and relationships. Apart from Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other social networking sites, there are numerous dating sites that allow people, especially those who are too busy to date, to fish out prospective partners. These sites can serve as venues for getting to know one another through constant chats and interaction in the forms of tweets, posts, and photos. One can find instant friends and relationship partners through the Internet, and, of course, one can also end friendships or relationships instantly using these sites.

The Internet, specifically the networking sites, has become the world of some people seeking relationships instead of just an instrument or venue for building rapport. It has become so powerful that many consider it their reality already. It is the gauge of their personhood. It is where they can make or break their relationships.

And, sadly, I almost dared to end a relationship through this social media site. I almost forgot that what was started in real life should not be ended in a venue that departs from reality. This person became my friend when we met in college and not through Facebook or Friendster. She was my close friend with whom I shared much of my life secrets. And if our level of maturity does not allow us to maintain our friendship, if the allowance for mistakes is no longer there, if ever we are to end our friendship, we can do it in the world where we started and not by me unfriending her on Facebook.

I have nothing against social networking sites because I myself use these sites and find these useful in life. I have used the sites to contact people and bug them with my questions. These have served as bridge to friends whom I have not seen or heard from for quite some time. I have been able to communicate urgent concerns to my students because all of them are active in these sites. And these are just a few of the benefits that one can get from being part of this social media world.

But if we post too much of ourselves on these networking sites, if we brag about our achievements too much, if we share almost every little act that we do every day, and if we flood our walls with complaints about every little thing, then we make our accounts nonsensical and ourselves highly self-centered. Our world narrows down to our selfies, our whining, our parinig—indeed, practically everything about ourselves. And of course, everything that is done excessively is not good at all.

Your world is narrowed down to what only you can see.

The point that I want to make is that everyone can be tempted by this unconscious submergence in our virtual world, which we combine with our reality. Why do we have to dwell in this lonely illusory place when we can live in real life, where liking is warmer than a simple click? In reality, we can have hugs and affirmations more than what we can deliver or receive on Facebook. I think we will be happier if we make this virtual album of our memories mere channels and instruments in nurturing relationships, and not the world itself.

I have realized, then, that I do not want to unfriend my close friend anymore. I have almost forgotten that there are still many things that I should not bring to networking sites. Even if we do not get to talk anymore and be as close as we were, I know I am not using the social media in, say, hibernating in this type of relationship.

I might have wanted to unfriend my friend, but I know I would still want her as my friend when the storm has passed. The best that I can do is to stay away from the tempting offer of the Internet for me to unburden myself of private troubles in public, or at least I can screen a few from being totally exposed.

So, from unfriending, I am still hoping now that I can refriend her, if such a button can exist in real life.

Cindy Paras Sicat, 22, is enrolled in literary and cultural studies at Ateneo de Manila University and teaches English in Pampanga.