I know how it feels
Why are you still single? You don’t have to ask me, and I don’t have to ask you. Your smile to answer that question is part of a secret language that only we can understand. There are questions that are meant to be left as they are. But there are also questions that should be addressed, or else the friction will produce a fire, which can be damaging. I have had my fair share of hearing this question. As if being single were a curse. As if one were an outcast and an abnormal creature. It has not been a big deal to me, until this query resounded more frequently in my ears to the point that it became a form of reality check.
Let me tell you: I know how it feels. I’ve witnessed my friends pair up. I’ve been their shock absorber whenever they broke up with their significant others. I know vividly how it’s like when you are alone on a Saturday night in the company of books and television because all of your friends are out on dates. Sometimes I even go out with them, until I wish that I will just sublimate. I rejoiced with them when they got engaged and even wrote some of their wedding vows. I received invitations and went from one wedding to another, and even up to the baptism of their firstborn. I’ve been there, I’ve done that.
It is difficult to be alone at an age when people expect you to pair up. You may ask yourself: Why is it that nobody seems to like me? Or: Why am I always in the “friend” zone? Or: Where is my soulmate? Or: Am I difficult to love? Or: Why is it that who I want is always already taken?
I’ve heard plenty of these rants, and I’ve even made some of my own. Over the years I’ve come to realize certain things. Let me share them with you…
There are things in our life that we are not in control of. The future is an unpredictable thing. So I decided to not let the uncertainties of life take away my chance to enjoy what is certain in the present. Certain things like enjoying the love of my family, the smiles and moments that we share with friends, the comfort of good food, the serenity in solitude. These are things that most of us are taking for granted because we are too busy in the hunting and matching game, or if not, we are too preoccupied with the “I want to be on top” thing.
You are single, not because you are ugly, difficult to love, or doomed to a lifetime of solitude. Your heart was broken not because you are being punished. I wish that I can be an effective fate-teller, but I cannot tell you exactly why. I cannot give you the assurance that there is a prince somewhere waiting for you, but I can confidently tell you that you can be the princess who is worth searching for. Treat every day of your being single as a blessing. It means more time to figure out what you want from what you don’t, more time to discover and enjoy yourself, more time to be with your friends and family, more time to align your priorities, more time to serve God.
For the meantime, sit back and relax. Focus on what is present now. For as long as we are on track today, tomorrow will be okay. Please don’t rush and don’t settle down just for the sole purpose of not being alone. Don’t let the inspiration of love bring out the desperation in you. And although I cannot predict if you will marry or not, I can vouch for certain things: Your family loves you, and God loves you. Worry not about love, God loves you so much, so let Him take over the worrying for you. And in the event that love will finally find you, kindly let me know. But as for now let me tell you again and again: You are too special to settle for what is better. So I am wishing you the best—nothing more and nothing less.
Chelsea Angeli R. del Castillo, 24, is in her fourth year at the University of Santo Tomas Faculty of Medicine and Surgery.
