Deliver us from weevil
It’s September—the start of the long Christmas season for many Filipinos—except for Teresita Leonardo de Castro who got her Christmas gift a week earlier. Merry Christmas!
Newly installed Supreme Court Chief Justice Teresita Leonardo de Castro defends her appointment to the SC’s highest post by saying President Duterte doesn’t know her personally. She added: “I don’t think the President would do anything that will impair the independence of the judiciary.” Apparently, she doesn’t know Duterte personally.
The Department of Agriculure has approved the importation of 17,000 metric tons of galunggong (round scad) from China starting this month. Agriculture Secretary Emmanuel Piñol will personally supervise the importation. In fact, when the galunggongs arrive in our ports, Piñol will be the one holding the “Welcome back!” banner.
Claiming it would address the rice shortage in Zamboanga, Basilan, Tawi-Tawi and Sulu, Agriculture Secretary Piñol has proposed to legalize rice smuggling. Even rice smugglers were like, “No, thanks. We’re doing just fine.”
Still on Piñol, the Secretary downplayed reports that imported rice from Thailand were infested with weevils or bukbok, a type of beetle. He said, “Serve me bukbok rice, I will eat it.” In the interest of fairness, let’s ask the bukbok first if they’re willing to be served to Piñol.
Change has come, indeed. The Philippines now imports galunggong; a top government official openly supports rice smuggling, and recently, the University of the Philippines has become the newest party venue for Marcos loyalists.
A group of young men from Malabon City got into trouble when a video they created in 2016 surfaced and became viral. In the video, the men are smoking pot and cursing at President Duterte. Are you guys insane? Never ever do those things again. Never smoke pot, and never record yourselves.
Alleged big-time drug lord Peter Lim was a no-show at his arraignment in Makati City for drug conspiracy charges. The police have yet to locate and arrest him. Let’s hope he creates a video cursing at the President, too.
In his regular press conference, presidential spokesperson Harry Roque calmly appealed to alleged big-time drug lord Peter Lim to “PLEASE surrender.” In response, Peter Lim told Roque, “PLEASE don’t be too obvious.”
In a Congressional hearing on Thursday, Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency (PDEA) chief Aaron Aquino insisted the four magnetic lifters found in Cavite last month contained shabu. Siding with the Bureau of Customs (BOC), though, President Duterte had previously dismissed the claim as “pure speculation.” But Aquino would rather believe PDEA’s K-9 unit. The dogs, which “responded twice” during the inspection, could detect scents 10,000 times better than humans. In fact, rumors say, when the K-9 unit heard about the statements of the BOC and the President, the dogs detected a cover-up.
President Duterte claims the Central Intelligence Agency is listening to his conversations, and is plotting to kill him. As a precautionary measure, Mr. Duterte will now avoid his regular conversations… with himself.
Reports say Russian trolls and bots are spreading misinformation on vaccine safety in the US to sow public discord. The report has prompted PAO chief Persida Acosta to issue a statement denying she’s Russian.
Quezon City Rep. Vincent “Bingbong” Crisologo filed a case against his driver who allegedly stole the P200,000 cash he entrusted to him for safekeeping. The suspected thief is medium-built, soft-spoken, and looks up to congressmen as role models.
For several days now, PCOO Assistant Secretary Mocha Uson has not committed any blunder on social media. This is alarming. To Mocha’s followers, please pray for her.
Whenever I see Kris Aquino’s photos on social media these days, I am reminded of the film “Crazy Rich Asians.” Whenever I see President Duterte’s close-up photos on social media these days, I am reminded of the film, “Fifty Shades of Grey.” Please pray for him, too.
Marcelo Landicho is more popularly known online as the award-winning blogger and political satirist The Professional Heckler. New Twitter account: @HecklerForever8; blog Archive: professionalheckler.com
