Reasons why
Working in the living room, I kept hearing screams from one of the bedrooms. I peeked in to check and saw the kids watching TV.
“Horror movie?” I asked and they said yes.
The screaming subsided but occasionally I could still hear one of the kids shout. The eight-year-old finally gave up, running to my room and saying she couldn’t bear watching any more and wanted to just read in my room. The other two, aged 11 and 12, continued to watch and seemed to be enjoying themselves.
The next day I left early for work and returned home around lunch, to find them still engrossed with television. I was intrigued: “Is this the horror movie from last night?” They said yes, and explained it was a Netflix series. I was intrigued and asked what the title was.
I wasn’t aware of the series—“13 Reasons Why”—and thought of “50 Shades of Gray” which is more for adults. So I sat and watched and figured it wasn’t sexual. Maybe, I thought, it was like one of those chainsaw massacre movies made mainly for young people.
That night though as I was reading the New York Times online, I came across an article that was quite critical of “13 Reasons Why”: It featured criticisms from health professionals who said the movie tended to glorify suicide.
That got me worried, and I went back to the kids asking what they thought about the series. They confirmed it wasn’t a horror movie but one of “suspense,” the plot revolving around a young teenager, Hannah, who commits suicide and leaves behind audiotapes where she gives, well, the 13 reasons she decided to kill herself—the “reasons” here being specific individuals.
The movie plays out 13 episodes, around the audiotapes, and includes a bloody scene where she kills herself. There’s also a rape scene.
Processing
What’s done is done. I chided myself for not having checked some more about the series, but I sat down and processed with them, asking them to tell me what the film was about, and what they thought about the characters and the story.
I was relieved. They picked up on the main message of the series, which is that suicide is a serious matter, and if a friend or a student talks about having suicide thoughts, you should never dismiss them. Talk it out, look for an adult who can help.
They also understood, as the title goes, there’s never just one reason why a person attempts suicide. They learned, too, that people who commit suicide usually suffer from depression, and that the many “reasons” are triggering events.
My son, ever the joker, said he was feeling depressed because a girl he was interested in didn’t seem interested in him. Would that lead him to suicide?
His Ate laughed out loud: “You’re not the type.”
That led to another discussion: is there really a suicidal “type” of personality? I warned them you can have people who seem very happy, ever cheerful, but might be suppressing a lot of hurt and confusion.
Then we tackled the suicide scene. They didn’t think it was too gory, and that it was important that the film depicted it as bloody. Nick Sheff, one of the film writers interviewed on an online site Vox, did explain they wanted the film to show that suicide wasn’t a dreamy peaceful affair where you overdose on pills and just drift off. Bluntly Sheff explained—as he recalled his own suicide thoughts as a young man—that suicide is never peaceful or painless.
I was satisfied with my kids’ feedback, but remained concerned. The three kids had binged-watched, meaning, they finished the entire series in two days, watching almost continuously especially when I was at work. So they got a mini-sermon about that. Whatever the series might be, I just think binge-watching isn’t healthy. But if it’s on a topic as heavy as suicide, then there’s more cause for alarm.
I am all too aware as well that the film could be very problematic for a young person already suffering from depression, especially if he or she sits through the film alone, and, worse, binge-watches.
Suicide in schools
Suicide is an important issue for me because as a school administrator I have to deal often with reports of students who have such thoughts. I’ve reoriented our office of counseling and guidance, which used to concentrate on career advice, to having a team of psychologists to deal with psychosocial issues, including suicide. After we began offering these services, the number of students coming out with suicide-related problems increased simply because they knew they could now get advice and support.
The main criticism of “13 Reasons Why” is that this could romanticize suicide, and lead to “cluster cases,” meaning, people imitating the movie. Cluster suicides occur even when mass media report a suicide. The clusters can be dramatic in countries like Japan, where there is a stronger disposition toward suicide, which can be triggered even by shame, as in students failing university entrance exams.
Our suicide rate is low compared to many countries, in part because of under-reporting (usually with the doctors’ collaboration, to save the family from more pain), but also because we are less culturally “disposed.”
More exposure to suicide through media reports, films and social media exchanges could change the cultural element, making suicide more acceptable; and so it is important that adults know what their children are watching, in theaters, on TV and on newer services like Netflix.
There are ratings and warnings for these films, but completely banning them at home will just make the kids more curious and it’s just too easy these days for them to access the films.
If you can, watch the films with your kids, and if you can’t—13 episodes are a lot—then do your research on the internet to find out what the content is, so you can discuss with them.
Be open-minded when you go into a discussion with the kids: asking them to first give their perspective on what they watched. Be sure you know enough about the topic to be able to then process what they had seen. Look for reviews of the film, including, in this case, the opinions of health professionals.
This kind of guidance is not just about suicide themes. We have to deal with so much now in old and new media: violence, sex, the use of drugs, and a whole range of ethical and philosophical issues, defining good and evil, truth and lies.
Only a year or so ago, my friends were telling me about how lucky people were in the United States and other countries because they had access to these streaming services like Netflix, with so many movies and series to choose from. Now that the services are here, available at very little cost and playable on our phones, tablets and smart TV, you wonder how much of a blessing it is.
But media and movies reflect a world that is getting tougher, a world from which we can’t shield our children all the time. Better to know what they’re being exposed to, talking about what they’re exposed to, and maybe even learning from these discussions about how young people are thinking.
